The Christmas I Know by Nicky James

Author:Nicky James [James, Nicky]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2018-11-27T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter Eight

That night, after too many hours spent listening to Val’s extensive plans for us in Paris and eating a semi-formal dinner with his parents, I feigned a headache and excused myself for an early night. When Val joined me in bed a short time later, I pretended to be asleep.

For over two years, we’d taken turns visiting each other frequently and attempted to make a relationship, but it was impossible to ignore how different we were from one another. Random, extended weekends here and there hardly left us enough time to truly find a routine or sense of couplehood.

Or did we really have nothing in common?

Our visits were often spent exploring the sites in our different cities—because Val couldn’t sit still—enjoying good food and late-night drinks—because fine dining was imperative—and otherwise not leaving the bedroom. Sex was about all we agreed on. Holidays were celebrated to Val’s standards and were often chaotic at best. Skyping, phone calls, and texts were few and far between. Val found Skype tedious, and to be honest, we didn’t know what to talk about most days. Yet, he was the man I was meant to marry. Anytime I tried to envision us living under one roof, my mind went blank. The future was cast in shadows, and it was more terrifying than I realized.

For years, I’d wished to find someone so I wouldn’t have to be alone in the world anymore. But lying in the darkness beside Val, I’d never felt more lonely in my life. All the excitement I’d carried for weeks, anxious at spending the holidays together and creating memories and traditions had fizzled out in less than a day.

I didn’t know what I was doing anymore.

Without making a sound, I snuck out of bed and into the hallway, closing the door behind me with a silent click. The big house was quiet and dark. I journeyed down the long hallway and descended the winding staircase which led to the main level. Aimlessly wandering, I found myself in the small sitting room where Val had entertained earlier. The fireplace was cold, and the room was lit only by moonlight where it spilled through the uncovered windows.

I sat on the window bench and peered out into the night beyond. Christmas was in four days and the joy and happiness it was supposed to bring was absent. Where Christmas spirit had long ago filled my heart and soul, only a hollowness remained. Val didn’t carry the same memories I did, nor could he long for something he’d never known. Trips to Paris, dinner parties with strangers, this wasn’t the Christmas I knew. And I wasn’t sure I could pretend to enjoy it any longer.

“Come to bed, chéri. What are you doing awake?”

I startled and turned from the window. Val stood in the doorway with a silk robe wrapped around his body. Even fresh from bed, his hair had the audacity to look perfect. The blond shone almost silver in the moonlight. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the frame, squinting with tired eyes.

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