The Bonus Room by Ben H. Winters

Author:Ben H. Winters [Winters, Ben H.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Quirk Books
Published: 2023-08-02T00:00:00+00:00

* * *

—

Kaufmann was down on her haunches in the kitchen, searching the cupboard beneath the sink, when a light rap sounded at the door.

“Suze?”

“Oh, hey, Andrea. Good morning.”

“Oh, Susan, I am so sorry to bother you, but I was having this very odd problem with my computer, something about the, the network connection? I think? And I always see you going about with that laptop case, I wonder if…oh, dear—what’s…what’s this?”

Andrea’s voice got high and flutey with anxiety. In her green house shoes and flowing silk pajamas that seemed from another century, she leaned through the front door, peering at Kaufmann. “Do we have some sort of infestation? Please say no.”

“I’m not sure. We’re looking. She’s looking. We’ll see.”

“Well, I wish you had told me. I would’ve arranged for someone to come.”

As Susan led Andrea into the kitchen, Kaufmann looked up and gave her a quick clinical glance, as if making sure she wasn’t an enormous talking bug. “Of course, you’ll take the cost of the exterminator off your rent. You haven’t paid the rent yet, have you? No, I don’t think you have.”

“Thanks, Andrea.”

Susan didn’t offer coffee, but Andrea hung around anyway, hovering at Susan’s arm in the kitchen doorway, watching as Kaufmann closed the cupboard and turned to the pantry.

“My sister, Nan, who lives in Portland—Portland, Oregon, not Portland, Maine—anyway, Nan once told me a foolproof system,” Andrea said. “You’re meant to sprinkle drops of liquor all over the house. I can’t remember now what kind, of course. But I could call her. Shall I call her? According to Nan, sprinkling this, whatever it was, kills the bugs straightaway.”

“Oh,” said Susan. “Huh.”

Kaufmann straightened up, clicked off her flashlight, and addressed Susan.

“If an apartment is infested with bedbugs, we employ a three-pronged solution. First a contact-kill solution; second, a liquid residual such as Permacide Concentrate; and third, a growth regulator such as Gentrol. If those solutions prove ineffective, there are various means of escalation available.”

“Rum!” said Andrea, snapping her fingers. “If you sprinkle drops of rum in all the corners—”

“No.” Kaufmann interrupted, scowling. “Do not do that.”

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