Symptomatic by Danzy Senna

Author:Danzy Senna [Senna, Danzy]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781101651315
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2005-02-01T05:00:00+00:00

SOMEBODY WAS WATCHING ME. I was sure of it. I looked up into the faces on the subway car around me. A white girl. The only one here tonight. I stared back at her, irritated by the expression on her face, a slight, searching smile, as if she thought we were comrades among all these dark bodies. That happened to me a lot. The one white person on board smiled at me as if to say, Thank God you’re here. We can help each other in case there is a riot.

This girl was neither beautiful nor ugly, but she stood out on that subway car like a firefly in the country night. She had medium-length brown hair, a pointy face. Fullish lips for a white girl. Brown eyes. She was dressed kind of like me: a tan corduroy jacket that wasn’t warm enough for the weather, an Irish fisherman’s sweater underneath, and black slacks. And she was staring at me. I was sure of it. Staring at me and copying everything I did. When I blinked, she blinked. When I scratched my head, she scratched her head. Now she was even aping my own slumped posture and bereft expression. I felt an irrational rage well up inside of me—an urge to go over and slap her until she stopped looking at me. What? What? You see something funny? I restrained myself. I rode with her mimicking me the whole way. She didn’t get off the subway until my stop in Brooklyn. She started toward the door at the same moment that I did, glancing over at me nervously as if to make sure I was still there. I wanted to follow her—to ask what it was she saw that made her gape—but as soon as we were off the train, she vanished.

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