Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come by Jessica Pan

Author:Jessica Pan
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3
Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing
Published: 2019-05-15T23:03:44+00:00

nine

Everest

or

Stand-up Comedy

“People told me I was funny my entire life,” successful comedians always say in magazine interviews. “Friends kept telling me, ‘You should be a comedian!’”

My brother Adam is considered the funny one in my family, and a fun, long-standing Christmas tradition as teenagers was visiting my Chinese aunt in California, who would survey my two brothers and me and announce, “Adam is also the best looking!” before patting our cheeks and walking off, leaving devastation in her wake.

So, yes, no one had ever said to me: “Hey, you, in the corner, hiding, you should get onstage and take this mic. Yeah, you with the long bangs! Eating macaroni! Stop crying! Get up there and show us what you’ve got because I can tell you’re gonna be a star!”

When I tell other people I’m going to try stand-up comedy, they always touch my arm, furrow their brow, and say, “You are so brave,” followed by, “That is my worst nightmare,” just in case I was considering making them do it, too.

It’s my worst nightmare, too. But because it was the biggest feat I could imagine pulling off, it also felt like one of the most important. It combines pretty much all of my shintrovert fears into one gruesome event. And it feels like the ultimate chance to see whether I am or am not always going to be that person afraid and waiting in the shadows.

Many comedians identify as introverts, which makes sense: they’re incredibly observant and have chosen a career where they are often alone (even when they are performing to sold-out arenas, it’s still only them onstage).

For this task, I’d have to wrangle with my intense shyness, which is defined as a generalized fear of judgment from others. According to recent research, public speaking is the number one fear in America and 40–60 percent of the population identifies as shy. It’s amazing the human population has managed to spawn at all; our species truly has alcohol, cold winters, and R&B music to thank for helping us procreate.

I take comfort in finding another comedian who is shy. Welsh comedian Rhod Gilbert decided to address his own debilitating shyness in a BBC documentary. He thinks that comedy can be a cure for shyness, in what he calls “comedic behavioral therapy.” He recruited three shy people to test out his theory, with miraculous results: despite performing stand-up comedy, they did not spontaneously combust in a fit of sparks and humiliation.

There’s a lot I’ve learned this year: I know how to assist at the birth of an imaginary shrub and strike up conversations on the street and platonically date multiple women, but making people erupt with laughter feels like an impossible feat of wizardry.

Unlike performing at The Moth at Union Chapel, this wasn’t just pure public speaking. Comedians interact with their audiences, sometimes even inviting them into the conversation. And while I’d started talking to strangers and had walked into several networking events alone this year, this was a giant leap into the murky deep end of my pool of social anxiety.

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