Some Hell by Patrick Nathan

Author:Patrick Nathan [Nathan, Patrick]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-55597-988-1
Publisher: Graywolf Press
Published: 2017-02-15T05:00:00+00:00

When she began going to therapy, Diane swore it wouldn’t be permanent. It was supposed to be a ritual she could quit at any time without feeling a thing, not become something she needed. She’d said the same, years before, about the chiropractor.

All those magazines whose headlines never changed, whose articles she never read—she felt helplessly giddy to be there. Being at ease in Tim’s waiting room was like laughing when the person with whom you’re furious tickles you under the ribs. She tried to compose herself into someone annoyed, someone anxious, someone horrified to be alive. Instead her skin had that tight feeling, as though she’d caught the scent of lemons or a soft, sun-bleached breeze. She looked into her purse but couldn’t deceive herself into stepping outside for a cigarette. It was too lovely to be trapped, to have to enjoy.

Spring has saved me, she decided she would say—her witty opening line, because it wasn’t yet spring. Tim would point this out. Yes, but it’s the thought of spring, she’d say, and she’d explain how it helped to imagine the weather she wanted. The sun was higher every day, something the leafless trees couldn’t hide. Every time it gets above thirty I want to go for a walk. She pictured herself in his office, legs crossed, hands clasped together as she spoke at the ceiling and said um or uh like a girl. Anyway, she’d say, much later. The sex thing is all about, um, self-destruction. It’s all about ruining whatever’s good in my life, I guess, haha. I think I understand it. I think it’s over. She heard the door right then, at the end of the hall. Spring, she thought. Think about spring.

Tim eased into their time, smoothing out a new page, his pen perfectly parallel to the pad’s top binding. There was a new calendar behind him—this one full of national parks instead of distant nebulae and constellations. She’d never seen a picture of the Grand Canyon with a dusting of snow. Was the Grand Canyon on the way to San Francisco? She couldn’t believe, in nine or ten weeks, she would pack up the car and cross half the country. Of all things, she thought of what she’d wear. It would be June. It would be hot. Start with fabrics, she thought, and tried to picture everything silk in her closet, everything jersey. When Tim shuffled in his seat she flinched and sat up straight.

“Did I scare you?” He was smiling, hands folded together in his lap.

What you need is something familiar, Shannon had said over coffee, only a week after driving Paul to Michigan. Something routine. So much has changed for you.

“Not at all. I don’t spook that easy.”

“I’ve noticed. I’m sorry about canceling. Back in January.”

“I didn’t know you had a son.” It came out like a reprimand and she forced herself to smile. Tim looked down at his lap. “What’s his name?”

“His name is Kale,” Tim said. “Yes, like the vegetable. He’s in fourth grade.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.