Shattered by Grief by Claudia Coenen

Author:Claudia Coenen
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781784506957
Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Publishers
Published: 2018-02-24T05:00:00+00:00

Creating meaningful rituals

Simple rituals such as lighting a candle, setting a place for your dead loved one or placing a flower in front of a photograph can be helpful in grounding grief and relating to your loved one after they die.

Humans have always created rituals to explain what cannot be explained and to create a container for the emotions that arise. Funeral rites express the religious beliefs of the loved one and of the family. Prayers, hymns and other songs, and eulogies which honor the person who has died are all ways in which we gather people together to mourn and to help each other heal. Some religions have 40 days of specific prayers to help the dying soul on its way to the afterlife. Others have a period of mourning when the family sits on wooden boxes and receives guests who bring food and comfort, joining in rounds of prayer at specific times.

The initial time after a death is usually taken up with the rituals of family, religion and community. These are shaped by our culture and spiritual beliefs, providing a framework for “how” to grieve, at least in those few weeks. There are arrangements to be made and often people to help you take care of them. Important decisions are made in those first hours. How will you tell people about the death? Who would you like to have around you at this time? Which funeral home? Will you have a burial or cremation? Will there be viewing or receiving hours and a service of some kind, and where? How do you write an obituary?

The rituals surrounding death give friends and family a chance to come together to share in the grief. These are more for the living than for the dead and we often feel supported by the presence of others, even as we feel like we can’t stand up. Rituals provide comfort for us with remembrances, eulogies, music and food. Sometimes we do them because they are expected or because they will help some of the others who have also lost this person.

Gathering for the funeral provides support, a forum to share sorrow and stories about the person who died. But after these rituals are over, everyone else returns to ordinary life. The family members are left with their intense grief, which, as the numbness wears off, seems to increase over time. Creating some other rituals can be very helpful.

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