Sausagey Santa by Carlton Mellick III

Author:Carlton Mellick III
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub, pdf
Tags: sausagey santa
Published: 2010-10-28T21:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER SIX

CABBAGE SKIN

59

60

☺

Tea has her arm wrapped around me as we walk down

the hallway to the armory. She nods at all of the elf girls we pass. They look at us and giggle. I think Tea is showing me off like I’m a trophy. Like she’s saying, “Not only did I just have sex with a human, I had sex with the Sly Guy!” And all of the other elves are jealous.

Decapitron is going to annihilate me.

I jerk my arm away from Tea’s hands, but she just grabs it again and hugs it close to her chest. There’s another group of elves down the hall that she wants to show me off to. Looking down at her, I notice that her gray skin has a slight lavender glow to it. She didn’t have that before. None of the other elves have it. That’s probably how all the elves know that we’ve just had sex. I bet whenever elves have an orgasm their skin changes color. Or maybe they change color so that they can attract a mate like certain bugs and animals do. I don’t really care to know.

☺

The armory isn’t really an armory. It seems more like a supply closet containing a bunch of Dungeons and Dragons costumes.

“What kind of weapon do you want?” Boon asks. “A

battleaxe? A warhammer? A broad sword of telepathy +1?”

61

“I don’t want to get so close,” I tell them. “Give me something I can shoot.”

“Like a crossbow?” Tea asks.

“No, none of that Dungeons and Dragons stuff,” I say. Their faces droop into sadness.

“Something more hi-tech,” I say. “At least a gun.”

“Regular bullets won’t be very useful,” Tea says. “What you need is a flamethrower.”

“We can give him the cabbage suit,” Boon says.

“Yeah,” Tea says. “The cabbage suit will fit good.”

“Cabbage suit?”

“It’s the perfect weapon,” the pixie elf says. “Though . . . hmmm . . . it’s not designed for humans.”

“The shrinkulator!” Boon says.

“Yeah,” Tea says. “The shrinkulator will make it fit.”

☺

Tea and Boon pick out swords, spears, and shields for themselves and then take me upstairs to another section of the facility. This area is wide open and mostly empty except for large white machines sticking out of the walls. Boon snaps his finger and tries to spin on his heel to change directions, but with the bulky armor he doesn’t come off as very sly. He goes through a door on the right to get the cabbage suit. Tea takes me over to a group of tables and picks up a big black device that looks kind of like a glue gun.

“Okay, hold still,” Tea says.

She points the gun at me and turns it on. I jerk as a white beam shoots out of the gun into my chest. Looking down, the beam isn’t causing any damage. It just makes my skin feel all tingly.

I look up at the elf and see that she is growing. No, wait, I am shrinking. She sprays me with the beam of light until I am the 62

same size as her, then she turns it off.

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