Satanta's Woman by Cynthia Haseloff

Author:Cynthia Haseloff [Haseloff, Cynthia]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2013-10-01T22:40:00+00:00

Adrianne Chastain had made a decision as she dropped the flap on Soule's field tent. She was going back to the Kiowas. She was going to find the children. The children were with the Indians. She would find them. It was that simple. It was settled, she thought. But the battle was not won.

The voice of fear whispered in the long hours riding across the winter prairie. You will never see either of them again. They are forever lost.

Adrianne pushed it back. "No," she said to herself. "They are not lost. They are with the Indians. I will find them. I will." She said the words over and over to herself, and sometimes spoke them aloud to drown out the sentient, knowing voice of doubt. The Kiowa men occasionally looked up, but, not understanding, seeing that she rode in a world of her own, they turned calmly back to the road ahead.

Yet, when the whispered voice failed to dissuade her, dark imaginations arose. She saw the children dead and mutilated as the Cheyenne children had been at Sand Creek. She heard their screams. Her tortured heart ached at their fear, their aloneness. She saw her daughter, dead - her son, dead - Lottie, dead - Millie, dead. She condemned herself, alive. She saw herself mad, another woman of the plains, wandering, searching, asking strangers: "Help me, please. Help me. 1 cannot find my children." Adrianne considered madness a frail security. Whether it was a haven of rest from reality or a hell of never-ending hunger for what could not be found, it would not solve her problem. She fought it away, making herself feel the warmth of the sun on her skin, inhale the crisp, clean air.

Looking about, she saw the Kiowa men riding far ahead of her. One of the warriors passed jerky to another. They laughed. The woman saw then the great emptiness of her own life. Where before there had been hope and future, there was now only a void, darkness. Rising out of her body, she saw herself alone in the great empty sea of grass. The higher she rose, the more emptiness there was and the smaller Adrianne Chastain became, until she was a mere speck lost in the endless land, caressed by the ever-blowing wind.

"God," the prayer escaped her lips softly, "1 can't stand this. I can't do this alone." Adrianne jumped from the horse.

Jose pulled up suddenly to keep from riding over her. "What is wrong, Mujer?"

"Nothing," Adrianne said, shocked at the human voice and the bright world around her. "1 just want to walk a while. Go on, I'll catch up." So Adrianne walked and rode and fought the inner battle that the Kiowas could not see or know. "Dammit to hell, Adrianne," she said to herself. "You've got to find something bigger than yourself. Take hold, dammit. Where is your faith?"

But I cannot bear this, she heard the whine of her inner weakness, her self-pity. You do not have to, another voice said.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.