Revolting Narcissists: The Viral Journals of Nick Twisp II by Payne C. D

Author:Payne, C. D. [Payne, C. D.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Aivia Press
Published: 2021-12-19T00:00:00+00:00

SEPTEMBER

WEDNESDAY, September 1 – I about dropped my bagel this morning. Teejay Twisp made the front page of the newspaper. Apparently, those knee-bruising gals Betty and Lois liked his video. They sent him this poem through an untraceable email:

You missed the action on that fateful day.

But honored us in your special way.

Some wrongs we just could not let stand.

The support we’ve got is truly grand.

The cops say the email is authentic because it mentioned something only a person at the crime scene could know. No, they’re not saying what that was.

The production company in Canada wouldn’t let the press anywhere near their star. Probably worried what that kid would say. Teejay can be a loose cannon pretty much 24/7.

So Dad came out and answered questions. He condemned the violence that took place in his house and urged the “guilty parties” to turn themselves in and “face justice.” Yeah, right. He also got in lots of plugs for Teejay’s show and even some for his juggling act. Absolutely no mention of me. That sucks. I’m the guy most desperate for a major media boost to his career.

Cliff bought donuts, so I helped him paint his kitchen and bathroom. He went with a pale sunny yellow in semi-gloss. A big improvement over Ned’s liverish Roadkill Pink. Too bad his floors in those rooms were the original 1947 linoleum from hell.

“Can you paint linoleum?” asked Cliff, hopefully.

“I doubt it would stick,” I said.

“Why would anyone choose such a puky pattern with colors this horrible?” he asked. “What were they thinking?”

“They had just lived through the Depression and World War II, Cliff. They didn’t think they deserved anything better.”

“Probably something to do with survivor’s guilt,” Cliff agreed.

He drove off to Home Depot to price peel-and-stick floor tiles.

THURSDAY, September 2 – Luco talked to Treez. She went to Halifax and had a sonogram. Edy will be getting a little sister and Teejay will be getting another backup singer. The new kid should be arriving sometime around Valentine’s Day. Me I’d rather have a two-pound selection of mixed nuts and chews in a heart-shaped box.

Treez also reported that Teejay is “over the moon” about hearing from the gunslingers. Actual criminals liked his song. To him that is so much more impressive than accumulating millions of views by ordinary boring people. Now he wants a shooting (preferably in the knees) incorporated into the script. The producers are thinking they’ll film that scene for him, but it will get dropped from the final edit. I wonder if they had this much trouble back in the 1930s with little Shirley Temple?

Since this is Lucos last week working full-time for her dad, I brought her a take-out Chinese lunch and got a tour of their progress on that mansion. Still dingy on the outside, still some bare studs here and there on the ground floor, but the upstairs was mostly finished. Six regal bedrooms and four lavish bathrooms. I could get used to that lifestyle.

Luco’s tile work in the bathrooms was an interior decorator’s dream.

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