Punk Rock Dad: No Rules, Just Real Life by Jim Lindberg

Author:Jim Lindberg
Language: eng
Format: mobi
ISBN: 9780061148750
Publisher: Collins
Published: 2008-02-07T05:00:00+00:00

PEE BREAK

The toddler period is not surprisingly somewhat frightening for many kids. Adults are huge and can snatch you up at any time while you’re playing with a toy, make scary faces at you, and then plop you back down at will. You get hurt a lot falling down and getting your fingers pinched in things and bonking your head everywhere you go. You pretty much never know when the next time you’re going to get hurt or scared shitless is coming. Because of this, it’s easy for them to develop a slight case of separation anxiety and entertain various irrational fears. We made the huge mistake of letting our two-year-old watch Toy Story before she was ready, and for years she was afraid that her dolls might suddenly animate and start talking to her in the middle of the night. Usually between the age of one and two, if my daughters couldn’t find me or my wife, they’d have a total freak-out. Daughter number one would just follow my wife around the house with whatever toys she was playing with, going from kitchen, to living room, to bedroom, dragging her Barbie Fun House or life-size stuffed pony behind her.

In addition to being whip smart, well read, intelligent, and cute as a button, daughter number one has always been kind of fearful, somewhat jumpy, easily frightened, anxious in certain situations, scared of her own shadow, apprehensive in unfamiliar territory, terrified of everyday objects, anxious and worried about the unknown, and timid. I love this about her. She has your everyday kid fears of monsters in the closet, skeletons under the bed, and Bloody Marys in the mirror, but she also has irrational ones like being alone in a room and barfing. As a toddler, she was afraid of stretchy things that could snap like rubber bands, latex gloves, and balloons, and as an infant, if you sneezed when she wasn’t expecting it, she would cry for hours.

I like people who have a healthy amount of skepticism and apprehension in life. They’re realists. For every foolhardy, adventurous explorer with blind courage, constantly throwing caution to the wind, there should always be someone with a bit of common sense and hesitation saying, “Are you sure we should cross the steep gorge using the tattered, old rope bridge? Couldn’t we just walk around?” I’m confident I won’t have to worry about her doing any mountain climbing or bungee jumping when she gets older because she doesn’t even like climbing to the top of the slide at the playground.

From a very young age, she also developed a pathological fear of toilets. She would never flush or want to be in the vicinity when someone hit the lever and the whirling torrent started whooshing down. When she was about three years old I asked her where her fear stemmed from and she said she saw a cartoon once where all the characters were sucked down into the toilet and down the drain. I guess to

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