Present through the End by Kirsten DeLeo

Author:Kirsten DeLeo
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Shambhala
Published: 2019-08-26T16:00:00+00:00

How Can You Help?

• Use simple, clear words appropriate to the child’s age and experiences. Be factual: “Grandpa is dying.”

• Follow the children’s questions. Give them only the information they need at the moment. Pause to check their reactions, before offering more. If they have not asked any questions, you can ask them if they have any. This may elicit sadness, as children tend to have more feelings than thoughts. Then just be with them and respond to their concerns. If they do not have any questions, look fine, and run out to play, let them be. They may need time to process by themselves and in their own ways.

• Use examples from the natural world like seasons changing to show that death is a natural process.

• As children may not have the capacity yet to express their feelings in words, encourage them to share their inner world through art, music, or dance. A child’s curiosity, openness, and innocence can actually bring a sweetness and lightness into the pain of dying, as well as providing a reminder to slow down and be in the present.

• Encourage the child to do something positive for the dying person, to feel that they are really helping.

• Prepare the child for what it’s like to be around someone who is dying: for example, that the dying person is getting weaker, may sleep more, does not need to eat or drink anymore, may breathe differently, and that there is nothing to be afraid of. Check how much information the child wants and be aware how much they can process. Ask the hospice team or medical care team to help you explain what’s happening.

• Normalize the situation. Ask the child if they want to sit at grandpa’s bedside and hold his hand, nap on the couch next to him, sing, or read for a little while. Ask if they can help bring food to the other people visiting or walk the dog.

• After the death has taken place, make sure that you give the child special attention and affection.

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