Paul's Cat by Jameson Currier

Author:Jameson Currier
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: gay fiction
Publisher: Chelsea Station Editions

Subconscious Conscience

When Jay reached the hallway, it was empty. It was dark and carpeted, dim pin lights near the seams of the floor and the walls kept the perspective of a narrow way until Jay was surrounded by darkness and each step was deeper into blackness. The music had faded away. Jay thought he heard groans and whispers and sighs and heavy breathing. Had he reached a backroom? he thought next, but then wondered if he was only hearing his own breathing and his sneakers moving across the carpet. A few steps later, the pin lights at the floor reappeared. At the end of the hallway Jay could see someone seated in a chair. Closer, he saw it was a man. He was much older than the young men working and dancing in the club. As Jay approached, he could make out the old man’s gray hair, a balding scalp, and the deep, fleshy rings beneath the man’s tiny eyes.

“Can I get you a drink, sir?” Jay asked the man to break the tension.

“A drink?” the man echoed. “What is a drink when it is the soul that is malnourished?”

Jay stood still and quiet, not wanting to be disrespectful. “Do you need help?” he asked the man.

“Help?” the man echoed.

Jay thought the man might be drunk. Or high. Or sick. “I can help you downstairs. Help you get a taxi.”

“I’m supposed to be the one helping,” the old man said.

“I don’t mind,” Jay said.

“Mind? Of course you mind.”

“No, really. I can help you if you need help.”

“I’m the helper,” the old man said. “My work is here.”

“Here?” Jay echoed. All he saw was the man, the chair, and the darkness.

“I’m the conscience relegated to the subconscious.”

The man was still and quiet, then suddenly broke into a fit of high-pitched laughter. “Look closely,” the man said, when his laughter had subsided. “Two doors.” He waved his arms at his side. Jay saw that the old man was seated in a chair between two doors. “One door leads to pleasure. All the pleasure you can want and have right now. Physical pleasure—sex, drugs—or emotional pleasures—love, desire, companions. The other door leads to knowledge. A long, hard, painful path to knowledge. And we all know that knowledge doesn’t always lead to success. With knowledge comes the acceptance of responsibility, suffering, depression. And with pleasure comes pain, regret, depression, and illness. So, which one would you choose?”

“I’m not here to make a choice, sir,” Jay said. “I’m here to help.”

“As am I.”

“I’m trying to find a cat. I saw a cat run down this hallway, so I am here for the cat.”

“A cat?”

“A cat.”

“I did see a cat,” the old man said. “Just a few moments ago. It went through a door.”

“Which door?” Jay asked.

“Which door?” the man echoed.

“Which door?”

“The cat has already made its decision.”

“Which door?” Jay asked. “Which door did the cat take?”

“That would mean betraying a decision. A breach of confidentiality.”

“No, it would be helping me find the cat.”

“Helping?”

“Helping. Doing your job.

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