Of Yahweh and the Buddha: Two Novellas About the Spirit and the Heart by Lankford John E

Author:Lankford, John E. [Lankford, John E.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: James A. Rock & Co., Publishers
Published: 2012-06-03T16:00:00+00:00

Jack’s Ending

Number One

I can’t remember what we talked about as we left the garden and walked up Morada Lane toward the meditation center. I was sinking deep into yet another place I hadn’t seen since I was seventeen. A place of profound loss and stillness, far deeper than the pain of abandonment that comes with divorce.

When we reached the front door, I turned to face Nita. She extended her arms and we embraced. Then she kissed me on the cheek and placed both her hands on my chest.

“Take care of your heart,” Nita said.

And with those words she was gone. In an instant Nita vanished down the path. No suggestion that we exchange email addresses. Just her blessing.

“How very theatrical.”

Intensely theatrical. But for the last week had we not walked the path of high drama?

Nita would never know how her last words resonated. Seven years ago, the final breakthrough with my Colorado therapist involved taking care of myself. I won’t try to explain it in detail, but the point was personal responsibility in the deepest sense. In my case, we uncovered the desire to give my heart to a woman and ask her to take care of it for me. The revelation was that I and I alone am responsible for my emotions and my heart.

It was my therapist who put me on a path that eventually led to Buddhism. In time I came to understand what we discovered in therapy in the context of the Buddhist Metta practice: developing love and taking responsibility for ourselves in the deepest sense. From this foundation we can reach out in love to others.

After Nita left, I found a quiet place and sat down. I was numb, mind and heart empty of all thoughts and feelings. For a half-hour I sat wrapped in a blanket of fog—the kind of fog that used to shroud the Virginia Mountains where I spent so many Junes.

Then the bell rang for the final sit. The retreat was almost over. She did not look up when I came into the hall. Several times during the next hour I glanced in her direction, but each time her eyes were closed and her head bowed.

Suddenly an appalling realization. I would never see this woman again. Numbness gave way to pain. The remembered pain of the seventeen-year-old who lost all that he most wanted in the entire universe.

When the airport van sounded its horn, Nita leapt up and spun away, vanishing as dramatically as she had appeared on the wings of the storm just a week before.

The only question now, “What to do with the rest of my life?”

The seventeen-year-old dealt with this by throwing himself into creative activities and winning prizes for both writing and work in astronomy. But he had a great advantage over me: a future to look forward to.

Whatever I’m going to do, I must make haste.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.