Nothing Good Happens After Midnight: Confessions Of A 911 Dispatcher by Phillip Tomasso

Author:Phillip Tomasso
Format: epub

YES, WE HAVE NO BANANAS

I recall two memorable 911 calls, stories I enjoy retelling at family get-togethers, and the like. Let’s face it. These memoirs would be dry, and a tough read, if not for the salt and peppering of stories.

One day, while at a phone position as a TCC, I took a call that went something like this.

“This is nine-one-one. What is the address of your emergency?”

The caller sounded young. They gave me the address and verified it with the nearest cross streets, their name, and the phone number they were calling from. With everything in order, I moved on to investigative questions. Trying to find out what was going on at the location. “Okay,” I said, “tell me exactly what happened?”

Worded perfectly. If this call was reviewed by a supervisor, I could envision the string of Gold Stars stuck to the front of the page, beside my name. (We didn’t get Gold Stars, but supervisors did review calls regularly. God forbid we forget to say, Okay before Tell me exactly what happened).

“I dropped my monkey in the toilet.”

First thought, prank caller. Like I said, the person on the phone sounded kind of young. “Is the monkey still in the toilet?”

The other TCCs in the pod looked over at me. I gave them a knowing shrug with both shoulders.

“Yes!” the caller said. They sounded nearly hysterical.

“Take the monkey out of the toilet,” I instructed. “Can you do that?”

“Okay. I took him out.”

I could hear the splash of water. I imagined my caller holding the monkey over the toilet as beads of water dripped off the fur back into the bowl. I muted my mic and stood up, calling for a supervisor.

“Yeah, Phil?” the supervisor asked.

“I have a caller who dropped his monkey in the toilet. It’s out of the toilet now.” I had reached a dead end. I wasn’t sure where else to take this call.

The supervisor made a funny face, as she made her way down from the supervisor area toward my pod. “Is the monkey breathing?”

I asked, “Is the monkey breathing?”

“No. No, he’s not breathing.”

I shook my head, and my supervisor’s eyes went wide. “Start CPR,” she told me.

We used card sets at the time (and now use a computer program, ProQA), for EMS-related calls. I immediately entered a job for the not conscious, not breathing. I noted on the job the patient was a child’s monkey that had fallen into a toilet.

I followed the card-set instructions and read them off to the caller. “Listen closely, lay the monkey flat on his back on the floor. Kneel next to him, and make sure there isn’t anything in his mouth. Is there anything in his mouth?”

“No. Nothing.”

“Okay. You’re doing great. Next, place your hand on the monkey’s forehead, and your other hand under the monkey’s neck and shoulders, then slightly tilt the head back. Put your ear next to his mouth. Can you feel or hear any breathing?”

“No. He’s not breathing at all!”

“I’m going to tell you how to give mouth-to-mouth.

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