Notes on a Cowardly Lion by John Lahr

Author:John Lahr [Lahr, John]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Open Road
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

“… But What Do I Do Next Year?”

AS FAR AS MRS. Helen Schroeder was concerned, the telegram postmarked February 11, 1940, should have been written years earlier.

DON’T LAUGH JUST MARRIED

MILDRED AND BERT

But nobody was laughing. The relationship had undergone too much—even after Mildred had been granted a divorce on October 4, 1937. On January 4, 1938, the temporary injunction that had made it impossible for her to return to New York was finally reversed by the State Court. Up to that time, Mildred had been guilty of contempt of court and failing to obey injunction orders. Now, Mildred was exultant and secure. The gaiety of the telegram reflects her ebullience. But it was not funny to her mother, and certainly not to her new husband. It was he who chose to be married on a Sunday, in the quiet town of Elkton, Maryland, three days after an interlocutory judgment of the annulment of his first marriage had been filed with the Westchester County Clerk’s Office. Lahr picked Elkton with the care he usually reserved for selecting a fairway wood. His desire for anonymity is an indication of how heavily his guilt about Mercedes and the legal battle with Robinson weighed on him. “We had to get married as quickly as possible. That whole thing would have come back at us.”

Standing in front of the Episcopal minister, the only one available when they reached the town at midday, was not what Lahr had imagined. He was uncomfortable; a spastic colon had developed during the annulment proceedings and, aggravated by his usual worries about a new play, was acting up. But the comedian who never got the girl on stage was finally taking the leap again.

True to his distrust of sentiment and his inability to sustain a romantic moment, Lahr suggested the mezzanine of the local hotel for the wedding. Amid smoke, musty sofas, and the clink of dishes, he and Mildred were married. As the proceedings were about to begin, the receptionist’s radio bleated its own special irony. “The theme song from this radio program echoed up to the mezzanine. It was ‘Here Comes the Bride.’ Everyone smiled, but then we heard the announcer give the name of the show, ‘I Want a Divorce.’”

Through the ceremony, Lahr noticed that the minister kept looking up at him and reading the ceremony very dramatically. After it was over, the Reverend asked the nervous groom, “Haven’t I seen your face before?”

“Perhaps you saw me in The Wizard of Oz.” With Bible still in hand, the Reverend glowered and threw up his fists, “Put ’em up! Put ’em uuuuuuuppp!”

Afterward Lahr and his new wife had dinner in Wilmington and then returned to New York. He recalls only its uneventfulness. Too many thoughts about his emotional past and his theatrical future separated him from the day.

“I was fearful about the success of Du Barry. I don’t know why. That was a time in my career when I was a little mixed up. As the show went on, I got more confidence.

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