No Water For the Desert by Brittany Buckner

Author:Brittany Buckner
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Brittany Buckner
Published: 2019-07-29T16:00:00+00:00

“Again with the rich stuff,” I said, “I’m not rich. They’re rich,” I pointed to Aunty Beverly and Uncle Pete’s room a few feet away near the humming HVAC unit.

Gaycela walked around the perimeter of the small, lit pool with her arms out, creating a mosaic on her face from the underwater pool tiles. I’d never been in the pool. I’d never felt comfortable in the water.

“You have your shoes off? Are you crazy?” I said.

Gaycela ignored me and walked out into the dark golf course, still with her arms out. I was frozen. I’d never walked on the grass before. When I’d gone golfing with Uncle Pete, I was happy with driving the golf cart if he was up for it. It seemed sinful to tread the grass. “What if there are cameras?” I shouted, trying not to be loud enough to wake up Aunty Beverly and Uncle Pete.

Gaycela started running and twirling.

Oh, what the fuck? I slipped off my flip-flops and ran behind her. We stopped on the edge of a sand dune, out of breath and high from running. She sat down, then I did.

“Have you heard from Jose?” Gaycela asked. That was the last question I wanted to answer. I’d failed to put it out of my mind. Sometimes I still wondered about him but then stopped myself by labeling him a dick. Today I hadn’t thought about Jose at all because I was too busy getting ready for Gaycela to come over. If I were honest, I had her over for another selfish reason: I wanted a break from ruminating about Jose and Lonny.

“I really don’t want to talk about him if that’s okay with you.”

“What happened, Grace?”

“Well, it wasn’t his fault, really. I just get really weird when it comes to, you know, touching.”

She laughed as if I was a silly little girl. “Come on, girlie, sex is the best stuff on earth. I think we can all agree.”

“No, no, you don’t understand.” My throat dried up. Or maybe I’d just noticed it.

Gaycela looked at me. I couldn’t leave her hanging. I wanted her to know. But I wanted her to know without me having to say.

She waited.

“Okay, here goes. I had a really, really bad experience when I was younger.” I hoped she understood the weight of what I’d just said. I hoped she knew all the painful details with just those words really, really bad. I hoped she wouldn’t pry anymore. Just thinking about that time period made me feel dizzy, my whole body wanting to sink into the sand dune, ready for the next wayward ball to get stuck tomorrow.

“Grace, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” Gaycela said. Her face glowed under the light of the moon. Her eyes were wet and her lips tight. “Are we talking about rape?”

The term rape was jarring. No one including myself had ever put it that way. The word didn’t seem accurate. It didn’t address my role in it. Me thinking I’d found a boyfriend.

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