No-one Ever Has Sex on Holiday_A totally hilarious summer read by Tracy Bloom

Author:Tracy Bloom [Bloom, Tracy]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-83888-025-5
Publisher: Bookouture
Published: 2019-07-29T04:00:00+00:00

* * *

‘We’re going to go, Ruth,’ said Katy as they approached her at the bar. Katy had told Daniel that she’d found Cassie in the toilets and they’d lost track of time talking. Cassie had made her swear not to tell anyone about her doubts. ‘Too old for all this,’ Katy said to Ruth, casting her hand around the mayhem. ‘Thanks so much for inviting us though. Really, it’s been a blast.’

‘Right, let’s go,’ said Cassie, pulling on her hand behind her. ‘Let’s go now.’

But it was not to be. She got her timing completely wrong as just at that moment Ruth got her trusty whistle out and the dulcet tones of Olivia Newton-John could be heard over Ariana Grande as the remaining members of the hen party quickly gathered.

‘You go,’ urged Cassie, catching sight of the looks of horror on Katy and Daniel’s faces. ‘Honestly. I know you don’t want to do this again. Thanks for everything.’ She smiled weakly and turned to join the rest of the party before Ruth blew her whistle again.

‘Come on,’ said Daniel, pulling on Katy’s sleeve. ‘Quick or else Ruth will drag us into it again. Come on, quick, run!’

He grabbed her hand and they made a dash for it, pushing past the lager drinkers and the cocktail guzzlers, ducking and diving, gathering speed until they made their way out into the open air outside the club. Katy could feel her heart going like the clappers as she looked nervously over her shoulder in case Ruth had followed them out, still worried about Cassie.

They stood clutching each other, trying to grab a breath.

‘Well, that was weird,’ said Daniel eventually. ‘How on earth did we get involved in that? Bloody budget airlines and having to sit next to strangers on the plane. I’m never flying like that again.’

‘You were the one who got chatting. You were the one buying them drinks. You can’t blame the airline. You got involved of your own free will. We’re just past all this stuff.’

‘Thank goodness,’ he nodded. ‘I never ever ever ever want to perform a dance on demand of a whistle ever again. Right now I just want to climb in bed with my husband and… and… well, I guess we will have to sleep. Bloody hell, what kind of holiday is this?’

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