Nine Pills by Halfhead Jonny

Author:Halfhead, Jonny [Halfhead, Jonny]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2018-10-10T16:00:00+00:00

12 here we go agai n

This is like Déjà vu. I’m in the smaller second room in the Kingdom Hall in front of the same three elders again and this time I’m on a completely different charge. The room is fusty and cold. A little electric heater is all that is trying to break through the icy air in the little used room.

As it was last time, my mum is sat next to me. I can’t believe I’m in this situation again. The circumstances are different but the tone and everything else seems the same. I’m a little different, in fact even though I know I should be humble and quiet in front of my peers, I’m actually extremely angry and annoyed.

I served my time. It was a few months I had to spend being shunned, going to the church services without talking to anyone, sitting at the back and showing I wanted back into the fold. I suppose what worked against me was the lack of remorse. I still believed I acted out of love with Katie which I would likely under similar circumstance do the same again. Except I wouldn’t be doing anything with Katie, I had lost all contact with her. My mum immediately banned me from having any contact with her at all after my disassociation. No letters, no messages, nothing. I tried to get one of the girls in the congregation to write to her before my banishment, but my mum got wind of it and stopped it straight away.

I started to question my constant honesty. Anyone else would just disobey any rules, lie their way through it and do as they please, but I couldn’t do anything, because if I was asked, I would always tell the truth. I was my own worst enemy. After a few months my desire to talk to Katie under the strain of absolute heartache, deep depression and loneliness got the better of me. I managed to stay one evening at my uncle’s house on my own. None of my mum’s houses ever had a telephone, I had never been in an environment of having one, but my Uncle did. So after two hours of arguing with myself that one night, I plucked up the courage to ring Katie’s house in Cardiff. Her dad initially answered the phone and just passed me straight through to her. The next ten minutes were pure hell. Instead of finding out that because she was baptised that she had been through the same hell as me, she had actually met another young Jehovah’s witness man and was in a serious relationship with him. How could she have met someone if she wasn’t allow to talk to anyone, how did she fall in love with someone so quickly? I was so shocked I couldn’t talk on the telephone hardly at all. She hardly remembered who I was, after just three months of being apart. The woman who joined me in a promise to marry, struggled to remember who I was.

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