Nine Inch Nails' Pretty Hate Machine (33 1/3) by Carr Daphne

Author:Carr, Daphne [Carr, Daphne]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Continuum US
Published: 2011-03-24T00:00:00+00:00

Sin

Greg, 28, Cleveland, Ohio

Greg and I met through a mutual acquaintance who remembered Greg as a “huge Nine Inch Nails fan” in college. We chatted over IM and traded e-mails for several years. Portions of this narrative come from an online archive of Greg’s creative nonfiction, which I found by chance and was given permission to use along with the interviews.

I’ve never been particularly enthused with Cleveland. It has its charms, but it’s a city in need of a lot of help. Help that probably isn’t coming. I’m still here, out in the suburbs, trying to stay afloat just like everyone else. I was a kid when we moved to Willoughby Hills [a Cleveland suburb]. Before, we lived in Mayfield. I don’t remember much of it. My mom’s family has been in the area since the mid-forties. They lived in Indiana before that. Worked for the railroad. Can’t say I’ve ever asked about my dad’s side. Weird.

My parents wanted me to get a Catholic education, so I did, K-12: fun, fun, fun! It was about an hour bus ride each way to school. I listened to my Walkman the whole time. I was far from being well liked for the vast majority of my life, but the rides on Willoughby Hills Bus No. 28 were definite lowlights. Imagine sitting in a moving jail cell, surrounded by people who (at least seemingly) hate your guts, having spitballs thrown at you, having people wanting to fight you because you had no choice but to sit in their seat, with your only refuge a Walkman that can’t keep batteries alive for more than two hours at a time. Energizer owes me some kickbacks.

Now, let me tell you about Lake Catholic. It was the most soul-crushing of all the Catholic schools, which was quite an accomplishment. Free will was as outlawed as premarital sex, and seen as more of a threat. What they never tell you about Catholic school is that the values they claim to be instilling are nothing more than programmed lines: “Conformity is good,” “God can save you if you follow our rules,” “We’ll think for you,” and so on. I felt a bit like Nada in They Live, trying to convince the easily led cattle of imminent danger, but they kept on eating the feed, not realizing that the path they were being led down would take them to nowhere but the slaughterhouse.

The people I know who went to public schools had a completely different experience. I feel a bit cheated. My teachers were all very … oppressive. I remember when a girl stated that she was an atheist. The teacher damn near had a heart attack, and told her that if she didn’t participate in religion class, she’d be suspended. I had one teacher who liked NIN, but even then, it was an art teacher, so that person was an outcast to begin with.

It’s tough to be a teenager and not have doubts. I love “Why?,” and religion is the ultimate “Because I said so.

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