My Point ... And I Do Have One by Ellen DeGeneres

Author:Ellen DeGeneres [DeGeneres, Ellen]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Published: 2011-03-16T04:00:00+00:00

Some people believe that it’s a good idea to face your fears. I usually feel that it’s much healthier to tie them up in a bag, drive out to the country, chuck them out your window, then drive home as fast as you can. But at the moment, I’m lying in bed in the middle of the night. I’m too tired to take a long drive. So, I will try looking into my heart to see what frightens me.

Ghosts. I’m afraid of ghosts. Do I really believe in ghosts? Sometimes I do. I watch these supernatural phenomena shows about people who have seen doors and windows open and close and furniture move around the room. Sometimes I think, “Cool, I’d love to see that.” But, most of the times, I wouldn’t. I’d get kind of freaked out if a coffee table started dancing around, even if it was a goofy dance like the hokey-pokey.

The house I live in now might have a ghost. I think I’ve seen the guy. When I first moved into this house, strange things happened. I’d lock a door and a few minutes later I’d see that it was unlocked. A sliding door opened. It could’ve been the wind, you say. Well then, my skeptical friend, explain why there was a man standing in the middle of my bedroom dressed in some turn-of-the-century attire. Actually, it turns out that the man was my neighbor who got lost coming home from a costume party at Ernest Borgnine’s house. But it could have been a ghost.

I’m also afraid of space aliens and spaceships. I’m scared that I’ll be abducted by some UFO and then poked and prodded, which, from what I read, is what space aliens mostly do. Or what if they put some sort of chip in your brain that made you kill at their command or, even worse, made your favorite radio station the easy-listening one? What would be frightening, then, would be to come back and know that if you told anyone what happened to you, they’d think you were a nut. The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren’t any space aliens. We can’t be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we’re not all there is. If so, we’re in big trouble.

Let’s see, what else frightens me. Oh, I know. The scariest thing in the world almost happened to me the other day. Just thinking about it makes me break into a sweat (or maybe it’s the hour and a half that I just spent on my treadmill that has caused me to break into a sweat; the important thing is that I’m sweating). Let me tell you about it. But first, a warning: If you are faint of heart, it would be a good idea to have a registered nurse nearby while you read this tale of near-terror. On the other hand, if you are a registered nurse, there’s no need to have a faint-of-heart person with you.

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