My Pink Road to Russia: Tales of Amazons, Peasants, and Queers by Franeta Sonja

Author:Franeta, Sonja [Franeta, Sonja]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Dacha Books
Published: 2015-03-03T22:00:00+00:00

“For me all this, my relationship with Elena and being interested in girls, was natural. Those feelings were not repressed or oppressive to me. I think about her a lot. We were very much in love. But we never talked about being lesbians. Everything was accepted the way it was. We lived like man and wife.

“The most difficult part about trying to make people think I was a man was being with the men. I had to be careful about using masculine endings in the first person all the time when I spoke about myself. And you know, you have to drink and smoke and act like them. I helped some guy fix a motorcycle once. They aren't shy about themselves or with each other. They said all kinds of things to me, personal things. Of course, they didn't know I was a girl. I remember it was hot once and all the men were taking off their shirts, but I couldn't.

“And my mother, although she had guessed something like this was going on, when she learned about what I did, she thought it was awful. She saw my pictures. She thought I was playing a joke. And Elena—it was all her idea to live as man and woman so we could be together. We were together for three years, never apart.

“Anyway we had a wedding for her parents' benefit too—there were a hundred people at her place in the village. We couldn't be together if we were living as two women—we wouldn't be considered a family, a couple. Her relatives gave us a double bed for our apartment. We loved each other a lot, everyone would have noticed if we lived as two girlfriends.

“Then, when I left to go see my mother after not seeing her for a long time and I went back to her again, I sensed that she was with a man. When she came home we just cried. She told me not to write, call, or come anymore. She probably misses me, but she's with a man now. They can have children and a regular family. No one will say anything, she doesn't have to hide. She still loves me, I think, she must be bisexual.

“I never wanted to be a man. I think transsexuals must be very unhappy people. But I think it's actually easier to be a man than a woman in life.

“After my break with Elena it was so hard at first, but now I’ve gotten used to it. I don’t have a girlfriend now. I am alone and I have nothing to fear. I don’t even want to look for a girlfriend.

“The thing that has helped me all this time is my photography. It's the only thing I love, it's my lesbian life now. When I have a hard time I stay in my room, I develop some pictures or think of a new idea. I'm not always able to develop and print things because of costs, and I don't have everything I need.

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