My Murder by Katie Williams

Author:Katie Williams [Williams, Katie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2023-06-06T00:00:00+00:00

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My first appointment of the day was a one-off, someone in a shimmering pixelated skin with the Room dressed as the sky, as if we were floating among the clouds. I had to keep my eyes closed while I held them or else I’d get dizzy at the pixels and the height. After that was an elderly man who wanted me to hold his face in my hands, look into his eyes, and smile. Kindly, he said. Kindly, please. Just before lunch, Mr. Pemberton came in; his turtleneck was plum today, his movements light. He sat at the edge of the couch cushion and offered me his hands.

“How are you?” I asked. I found I was glad to see him.

“Today? I’m okay. And you? How are you?”

“Nervous.” It slipped out.

He frowned.

“No. Sorry. I’m good.”

“Why are you nervous?”

“Please. This is your appointment.”

“Yes, it is,” he agreed. “And I want to know why you’re nervous.”

“It’s nothing. A new client.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Are you worried you’re going to grab them and not let them go?”

“Why did you even come back after I did that?” I asked him.

“Oh, I don’t know.” He looked down at our hands. “Second chances? I guess I believe in them.”

“Yeah, okay. I do too.”

He looked back up at me, brows drawn. “Do you?”

“Sure. Who doesn’t?” I didn’t tell him I pretty much was a second chance, my very existence, I mean.

“It’s still a nice thing to hear someone say,” he said. “Once you become a parent, your days seem to be composed entirely of mistakes. And what’s at risk? Only your child’s health and happiness.”

I paused, looked at him anew. “You have kids?”

“Mmm.” He nodded.

“I have a daughter.”

“How old?”

“Nine months.”

“Nine months. Wow. Been outside as long as she’s been inside.”

“That’s what I said! And you? Yours?”

“Two sons. Thirteen and seventeen.”

“Teenagers!”

“And how! But a baby. I remember those days. And nights. My youngest had colic. My wife couldn’t take it, said she hadn’t known how it would feel, that maybe she wasn’t made to do this after all. She even threatened to leave.”

“Yes,” I said slowly. “Yes, that’s hard.”

I didn’t tell him that I’d had those thoughts, too. I could’ve told him. Should’ve. After all, he’d told me about his wife. But the shame of it was too deep. I didn’t tell him about the bag in the closet, either. Of course I didn’t tell him about that.

“I didn’t know what to do,” he said, “how to bring her out of it.”

After they’d brought me back, after I’d been murdered and cloned, I could feel the life I’d almost lost. Had lost really. Now that I’d been given a second chance, I could feel every last inch of my life, every detail: the snick of the tape on Nova’s diaper as I peeled the tab of paper away, the roughed chap of Silas’s lips as he kissed my temple, the lace of morning light from the kitchen window, the smooth tiles under my bare feet, my body as it moved through these rooms, held these people, lived this life, which was my life.

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