My Miserable Lonely Lesbian Pregnancy by Andrea Askowitz

Author:Andrea Askowitz
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Cleis Press
Published: 2010-09-15T16:00:00+00:00

I call Kaiser, though I know it’s impossible to get through to my doctor. A nurse answers the phone but says she’s busy eating lunch.

“Can I speak to Dr. Martinez?”

“I’ll leave a message for her,” she says. “But, she’ll be out until Friday.”

Today is Wednesday. I can’t wait until Friday. I can’t imagine spending the next four and a half months like this. I want to ask when it will be safe to take the baby out. Forget natural childbirth. I’m ready for a cesarean section today. “Can I leave her a message on her voice mail?”

“No, I’ll leave a message for you.” It must be this woman’s job to keep patients off my doctor’s voice mail.

“But without a personal message, she won’t know how urgent this is.” My heart speeds up.

“Ma’am, I’m supposed to be at lunch right now; let me have her call you.”

I despise this woman. “Please help me, I’m pregnant and in pain.” Then my voice cracks and I say, “I’m really scared.”

The nurse asks, “What’s the matter?”

I tell her I can’t tell if I’m having contractions. Some of the pains are short and intense, and there’s also a steady ache in my back and stomach. She asks me about my bowel movements, and I tell her I rarely go anymore, and when I do, it’s a strain to get anything out.

She suggests I drink warm prune juice and take Tylenol, and if the pain is really bad go to the emergency room.

What’s really bad? I know that in the past I’ve been able to withstand physical pain. In high school, I ran myself into the ground to win a cross-country race. I woke up in the hospital after suffering heatstroke. But now I don’t know anymore. Am I a crybaby, or should I go to the hospital?

I take Tylenol and drink a large glass of warm prune juice. Prune juice is about the worst thing I’ve ever tasted, but within a half hour it makes me move more bowel than I previously thought possible. I feel 15 years younger. I’m not in pain. I feel like I’ve been pulled over by a cop for speeding and then let go with just a warning.

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