My Broken Pieces by Rosie Rivera

Author:Rosie Rivera
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2015-12-21T16:00:00+00:00

I lift up my hands,

Even when I don’t have strength

I lift my hands

Even with a sea of problems

When I lift my hands . . .

I can feel you love me.

I had never heard the song before but I knew, from the bottom of my heart, that those words were true. I had lived my entire life fearing that God wouldn’t love me if He saw the real me. But at that moment, everything changed. I finally understood what my mother had been telling me all along: God already knew everything about me and He loved me anyway. He still does.

Mom could see I was filled with emotion, but she gracefully refrained from making a big deal of it, allowing me to have my moment with God. But I could see from the corner of my eye that she, too, was crying.

I can’t tell you what text my brother preached that day. At first I said to myself, Maybe this is for others who haven’t done the awful things I’ve done, but then quickly I realized it was also for me.

When the message was over and Pete invited everyone in the congregation to come forward to pray, I knew this was my chance. But I was terrified. As I stepped into the aisle I knew perfectly well that this was what I had to do, but I felt as if I was dead inside. I was walking, but it felt as though I was dragging myself from being beat up in battle. Every step seemed like an eternity.

As I got closer and closer to the altar, the worship team started singing “I Lift My Hands” again and once more I felt that beautiful feeling of peace wash over me. Could I possibly be worthy of worshiping the Lord?

Suddenly, both of my hands were up in the air. Part of me kept feeling unworthy so I asked God, “Do You really know every nook and cranny of my life? Do You know that I killed my baby? Please forgive me, Lord.” And as the beautiful music surrounded me in a warm embrace, I began relating my past sins, asking for forgiveness.

As I poured out my heart, a man I’d never seen before knelt beside me and said: “The Lord says, ‘I love you.’” He prayed for me, then added, “Can I give you a hug?”

Through my tears, I replied, “Yes.”

It was as if the Lord was there in person. The man kept repeating words from above. “I love you,” he said. “I love you, I love you.” I understood it was God speaking to me through this man so I drank up every word. Finally, after so many years of living out in the cold, I was finally letting down my guard and allowing God to love me.

No one can ever change my mind about what I felt at that moment. After so many years of going to church but not really being in church, I was finally starting to understand what it was all about.

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