Mr. Darcy and the Secret of Becoming a Gentleman by Maria Hamilton

Author:Maria Hamilton
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Sourcebooks, Inc.
Published: 2011-10-14T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 15

Between Courses

As the day wore on, Darcy continued to attend to his correspondence in the library, taking his dinner on a tray. The daunting volume of his workload was tempered by his pleasant memories of Elizabeth’s presence there that afternoon. He could close his eyes and imagine her working silently across from him, teasing him, and listening with interest as they discussed the business of his estate. But more than that, he could recall the wonderful sensation of her standing next to him by his desk. If he closed his eyes, he could recall the scent of her hair and the silkiness of her skin as he traced his finger on her wrist. He could relive the exhilaration he felt as she leaned against him and as he kissed her neck. While these pleasant memories left him breathless, the seeds of doubt and reproach inevitably intruded.

He wondered if his momentary lack of control had destroyed the hard-earned equanimity he had obtained with her. Her reaction to the liberties that he had taken with her was difficult to gauge. He thought she had felt the attraction between them and had been as overwhelmed as he had been in the excitement of the moment. But it all happened so quickly, he could not be sure whether she felt as he did or if she had been on the verge of upbraiding him for his presumptuousness. In hindsight, he wished that he had chosen a more opportune moment or had been better able to temper his reaction to her closeness, but he knew that if the opportunity arose again, he would behave in exactly the same manner. And that knowledge led him to a decision. Through his recklessness, he had declared himself, and regardless of whether he would wish to go back in time to do so in a more appropriate manner, the deed was done. Having clearly shown her, through his actions, what he desired, he now needed to make his intentions explicit. He knew he risked rejection, but he had come too far to turn back. While he had enjoyed the interlude of their friendship, it eventually had to lead to more or end of its own accord. He would never be happy simply as her valued acquaintance, and if she could never be more than that, he needed to know it. He could not live a fantasy forever.

But the thought of seeking her out on the subject brought him equal parts hope and dread. He had long ago perfected his fantasy of her accepting his renewed offer. But when he tried to imagine how they would remain on pleasant terms if he placed her in the situation of having to reject him again, he could not envision it. They would obviously have to remain civil for the sake of Miss Bennet and Mr. Bingley’s match, but he knew she would never trust his friendship again. He would be risking so much, but deep within himself, he knew he had no other option.

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