Momzillas by Kargman Jill

Author:Kargman, Jill [Kargman, Jill]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: Crown/Archetype
Published: 2007-04-09T16:00:00+00:00

Twenty-three

Later that night after putting Violet to bed, I spoke with Josh for the first time in thirty-six hours, which was unprecedented for us. I felt so off-kilter and was acutely feeling pangs of longing for him to be home; I’d even made a laundry list of porn titles since I missed him so much, including Lawrence of Labia, Star Whores, and On Golden Blonde. He said he wished he was back, too, and asked what I’d been up to, and I told him how the benefit droned on and on, and how one woman burst into tears while giving a testimonial about her fat son, August, and all I could do was think of poor Augustus Gloop drowning in a river of chocolate, covered like a piggy in mud.

“I think my bris sounds like more fun than that lunch,” laughed Josh. “Why’d you even go in the first place?”

“I thought you wanted me to hang with Bee and her hive,” I said. “Plus, your mom is on the board. I really didn’t have a choice.”

“Sure you do! Sweet, I don’t care if you go or not. Only deal if it’s fun,” he said, laughing. “Han, you can hang with whoever you want. I just want you to be happy. Who cares if my mom wants to you to be friends with them, it’s not her life!”

“They’re fine, Bee’s fine. They’re not Leigh, that’s for sure, but she’s always traveling for work, and I have no mom friends, I am such a loner, and it’s better than nothing. Plus, I need to learn all the insider things here, your mom’s right, I guess. I realize it really is better for Violet if I play ball,” I sighed. “But I did all the school research, luckily, and I know exactly where we’re speed dialing, so you better not forget to pen that shit in. I own you the day after Labor Day when the phone lines open.”

“Okay, sergeant!”

“Oh! Sweetie, also, I got us tickets for this new play next week, Swimming at Night. Supposedly it’s this really hot love story.”

“Cool, I can’t wait.”

I asked him how the maniacal billionaire and his monkey with diapers were doing. He said it didn’t seem possible before the trip, but that the guy was even crazier than he’d heard. Still, they were enjoying the hunt. In fact, with each “kill,” Count von Hapsenfürer would ship the body to Asprey for it to be dipped in silver. Room after gargantuan room was filled with sterling animals with every bristle of fur preserved in an eerie King Midas freeze, but with silver instead of gold. Horrifying. James Bond villain times ten.

“How’s the food? Sheep’s brain with a sterling spoon?”

Josh laughed. “You’re not far off. We literally ate, like, roast mutton or something. Total medieval meal.”

“Ew! I’d die.” Despite my longing to be with him, I knew the food sitch would not be remotely to my liking.

Finally Josh had to go to sleep, as it was three A.M. in Europe.

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