Modern Gods by Nick Laird

Author:Nick Laird
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2017-06-27T04:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 19

“We all have secrets.”

“I suppose it’s a question of magnitude, Alison.”

Ken sat at one end of the kitchen table, Judith stood by the sink. Alison sat awkwardly on the arm of the sofa. She’d kept her coat on. They were heading to the airport, and at first she’d been glad she stopped in. Both of her parents had given her long meaningful hugs at the doorstep, though the meanings of these hugs were only now becoming clear.

“I didn’t know all of it. I mean I knew that he’d—been involved. But I didn’t know—”

“It’s about as bad as it could get,” her father said. “And this man is meant to be a stepfather to my grandchildren, a husband to my daughter—a murderer.” Her father tipped his head back, and asked the ceiling, “Is he coming in?”

“I didn’t think you’d want to see him.”

Ken looked at Judith.

“I suppose we don’t, really. But.”

“I think he’s ashamed. I’m ashamed too. I don’t know—”

She coughed out two startled sobs and sat down suddenly.

“You don’t need to be ashamed,” her mother said.

Alison twisted her wedding ring round on her finger and looked at her.

Judith went to hug her again. She felt insubstantial to Alison, unexpectedly hollow and light.

She saw her father had a teaspoon that he kept twisting in his fingers, like he was reeling something in.

“And what about the school? Did you see the headmaster’s comments?”

“I did.”

“He’s incoming president of Rotary this year . . . It’s just—how could you not tell us? How could Stephen—or Andrew or whoever the hell he is—not tell you? I can hardly credit it.” Kenneth sat back, set the spoon on the raffia placemat. He liked the line so much he repeated it, “I can hardly credit it.”

“How could I talk to you? I didn’t know exactly what—I didn’t know.”

Judith could see the change coming. In an argument when Alison felt cornered it was never long before she’d turn to the attack.

“I think you should stop making excuses,” her father said. “You know damn well you should have told us, or he should have told us, and for you to get yourself mixed up in—”

“It’s not like you’re easy to talk to. It’s not like Spencer or Liz or I can bring our problems to you—”

“Oh don’t make this about other people, Alison.”

“Do you think Spencer can come to you and tell you—”

“Spencer and I talk all the time, every day—”

“You have no idea who Spencer is, no idea—”

“What are you talking about?”

Alison stood up.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“No, tell us, what are you talking about?”

“I don’t know. Don’t you wonder why Spencer has never had a girlfriend? I mean, like, never. Why he’s in the gym every day? Have you seen his hair? All the attention he pays to his clothes?”

Kenneth blinked and looked at Judith.

“I’m sorry, are you saying Spencer is—”

“Well, I don’t know!” shrieked Alison, her volume rising relative to the unstable ground she knew herself to be on. “Maybe! But don’t you think it’s odd? You say you know us.

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