Maidenhead by Tamara Faith Berger

Author:Tamara Faith Berger [Berger, Tamara Faith]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Contemporary
ISBN: 9781552452592
Publisher: Coach House
Published: 2012-04-01T04:00:00+00:00

Maidenhead

I made sure the side door didn’t click. In the glare of the kitchen was the head of my father on the table, my mom’s yellow recipe book as his pillow.

‘Why were you so late?’ The head roused, eyes small.

‘I was out with Lee and Aaron at a party.’

‘No.’

‘I was.’

‘I spoke to Lee last night.’

The sun shone on my father’s face.

‘She says you two haven’t spoken in a week.’

I tried to move past him. I wasn’t even surprised. I was pissed. ‘You know I’ve heard all this before, right? The worried friends ... ’

‘This time I’m worried.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Who is this man that even Jen told me about, for chrissake?’

‘Dad ... ’

‘No. You just can’t be with a man who is so much older than you.’

I laughed. ‘Why not?’

‘It’s dangerous.’

‘Yeah? And what’s wrong with danger?’ I felt like I was talking to my mother.

My father stood up. ‘I will not allow you to be in danger.’

‘Come on. That’s funny.’

‘It is not funny!’

‘Oh god. Dad. I’m not in danger, okay?’ I have a cock around my neck as a talisman against violence.

‘Where is this man staying?’

‘Downtown.’

‘Where. I asked where.’

I was quiet. The sun disappeared.

‘You know, if you want to know so much about this man, just chat with Lee again. I’m fine with that, actually. She’s such a great storyteller. A great listener too. So just go huddle with her, okay?’

I finally got past my father. He was guilty and tight.

He cleared his throat strangely. ‘We have a cleaning lady coming here today,’ he said. ‘She was here last week too. She’s been a few times. Her name is Anna.’

‘Fine. Do I need to clean my room?’

‘No! She’s going to do it.’

‘I don’t want her in my room.’

‘Anna is from Indonesia.’

‘Great.’

I ran upstairs and slammed my door; left him stuck in the sun with that book of my mom’s.

LEE: I miss that fucked-up sneak.

GAYL: I still have her.

LEE: I’ll have her back soon.

GAYL: Sabotage!

LEE: Reality.

GAYL: Myra’s learning, finally, what is real.

>§

When I arrived that night at Filmore’s, I was a brand-new woman. Gayl was gone. So was the sack where she kept her camera and cords. Elijah said that she needed some air.

‘She’s suspicious,’ he said. He went back to his bed, crawled under the covers.

Now that I finally knew what they did together, I didn’t believe him. I mean, what the fuck was she suspicious about? Gayl and Elijah made porn. And I was a porn connoisseur. I was a porn scholar! I was there to tell Elijah that I wanted to do it again. I wanted to be filmed. I wanted to hear Gayl and Elijah talk about me while we fucked. I loved that part, when Gayl said, She’s the best one we’ve ever had. I wanted to be a porn star. I wanted to move to L.A. and get a website or something. Gayl could be my manager. There were girls like me. I knew there were girls out there like me. Girls who liked to be in porn. Girls who liked to make men feel.

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