Love and Other Wicked Games (A Wicked Game Novel) by Fuller Olivia

Author:Fuller, Olivia [Fuller, Olivia]
Language: eng
Format: azw3, mobi, epub
Publisher: Olivia Fuller
Published: 2013-11-20T18:30:00+00:00

Chapter 12

Cal kept his promise.

He sent for Ellie quietly the next morning. Even though she’d tried to hide it from him, he could tell she was absolutely bursting. It did his heart good to see her so excited and also to know that he was part of the reason why.

The next several weeks found him taking Ellie to several more meetings of varying sizes and at varying locations around the city. Some meetings were more structured necessitating that the two of them remain with each other, quietly listening in the background, while some meetings were informal as the first one had been. It was at these times that Ellie was most in her element. She grew closer to the people, to those such as Caitlin and her family and so many others, and there was even the occasional moment when she was able to coax a smile from the cynics like Sean. With each passing meeting Ellie learned a bit more helpful information for Cal, and he learned even more about himself.

For so much of his life he’d lived in fear of himself. He feared his mistakes mostly and the way they had affected others. There were smaller choices he regretted—his attitude towards others growing up, his youthful rakish pursuits—but while those always weighed on his mind and his heart, they weren’t what kept him up at night. It was the other things he’d done, or rather hadn’t done, that kept him on edge.

He often wondered how many lives he could have changed if only he’d given Hart the time of day during that Winter break. If only he’d taken the time to talk to him and understand. Perhaps he could have started his work a decade earlier if he’d cared about someone besides himself. But he hadn’t done that and he always felt the sting of the suffering he’d caused.

It was for this reason that he’d never felt good enough, worthy enough, or just plain enough for anyone or anything. Everyone made mistakes, Cal knew that, but in his eyes, his mistakes had always felt much bigger and much worse. They cast a shadow that eclipsed everything around them and darkened everything they touched until at most times he could no longer see even a sliver of light to lead him to safety.

“That was the thing about perspectives,” he’d murmured to himself one day recently. “Everyone had a different one.” And that was why, he’d decided, having a partner in life was so very important.

Ellie had never seen him the way that he saw himself. She’d never seen him as anything other than Cal, as a person worthy and deserving of respect and help. And she’d been doing it from the very beginning, helping him. She’d helped him from the first moment that they met when she didn’t even know who he was or what she was helping him do. And then she’d continued to help him in other ways before he’d even known himself that he needed the help.

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