Look who it is! by Alan Carr

Author:Alan Carr [Carr, Alan]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 9780007287802
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Published: 2008-11-06T13:30:00+00:00

The job was pretty tedious, but the people were great. I have such an affection for Australians; they just get our sense of humour, don’t they? Whether it’s the amount of sunshine or the sense of space that just makes them so optimistic and cheery, I don’t know, but my time there just seemed to be filled with laughing and getting pissed. I soon befriended one of the doctors there, Janet Hay. She was my partner in crime, and we would always go socialising together. Because she was high up at the firm, she would always get me into the staff dos and work lunches that humble temps like myself wouldn’t normally be invited to.

I remember being so wrecked at a works do that I blacked out after being hit on the head with a chicken wing – don’t ask. I woke up under the table. Janet, just as pissed as I was, tried to hail me a cab, but no one would stop. And so I decided to go home on the City Circle, their underground system. I gave her a kiss and made my way back. Finally, I got home after a succession of people had looked discouragingly at this pissed-up Brit nodding off on the train. It was only when I looked in the mirror and saw that someone had drawn a swastika on my forehead that I realised they’d stitched me up good and proper. You can imagine the cheer I got when I turned up for work hung over the next morning. With a cheeky Nazi salute, I returned to my filing.

The Backpacker Hostel was becoming a drag. It was becoming impossible to have a lie in due to the continual drone of the tannoy waking everyone up at eight o’clock with its offers of cheap manual labour. ‘Road sweeper needed, $10 an hour’ or ‘Bricklayer wanted’. I listened out for ‘Actor needed for Hollywood blockbuster. Must be camp and have buck teeth’, but it never came, so I just rolled over and went back to sleep.

We decided to find a house of our own, somewhere new and fresh where the bathrooms weren’t communal and you weren’t continually being asked if you wanted pussy when you stepped out of the front door. We needed an upgrade. Besides, I was working in insurance – I had a reputation to uphold. Catherine and I had made friends with three Irish guys, and we all decided to move in together. The rent would be cheaper, plus we all got along – indeed, you might say that we got along too well. Catherine and Aaron are now married. In fact, it was me who brought them together – oh yes, I can be a right little cupid when I want to be. I should sort myself out sometime.

Aaron had come into the kitchen that morning, and both Catherine and I had gone ‘Woof!’, our codename for any men that we fancied – subtle, I know. I was making breakfast and, unbeknownst to me, the tea-towel had caught fire on the ring heating up the beans.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.