Long Road Home by Lyssa Cole

Author:Lyssa Cole [Cole, Lyssa]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Lyssa Cole Books
Published: 2020-02-08T00:00:00+00:00

Josh and I feast on Chinese food later and decide to visit Liv’s grave. We haven’t talked about her death much because Josh doesn’t want to upset me. But we can’t ignore it forever.

Beth’s words from earlier ring in my head, and I can’t shake them.

In therapy, I’ve grieved. I’ve grieved my life choices, my addiction, my marriage, Liv, my relationship with my mother. Am I over any of it? No. All of it still chokes me.

But I never have truly thought about the reason I started doing drugs. And for some reason, the idea of figuring it out has my heart racing and my palms sweaty.

For now, I need to focus on Josh and finding distractions.

We walk over several graves in search of the one we are looking for. I know Josh’s mother’s death still bothers him. I’ve tried mentioning it a couple of times, but Josh shuts me down, so I let it go.

We find Liv’s gravestone, and as we approach, my legs give away. Josh is right there, grieving along with me. He holds me as I cry, wishing I could see her, talk to her one more time. If only I could tell her it would be okay, that we could get through this together.

I haven’t gone back to see her family yet. I’m ashamed and embarrassed from before, and I need to work up the courage. But I know I’ll get there. I promise Liv I’ll take care of her baby girl, the one she named after us, and I’ll tell her stories of her amazing mother.

When my tears dry, and the sky turns into night, we heave ourselves up, and I pull Josh to walk the opposite way from where he parked. He raises his eyebrow but follows along, dutifully walking beside me.

We land on Hazel’s grave a few minutes later. At first, Josh doesn’t realize where we are, but when he looks down and the name registers, he falls to his knees. I’m right there beside him, holding his hand as he does exactly what I did at Liv’s grave.

“Your mother was an amazing person. Just like you,” I whisper in Josh’s ear before kissing his tears away.

The ride home is quiet, both of us lost in our sad heads. I hold his hand, though, never breaking our connection. He’s like an anchor for me, and I need him to feel okay, to feel grounded.

Josh walks me to my door, and I turn, pulling him in for another hug. “Good night, I love you.” I kiss his ear and feel the goose bumps on his skin.

He pulls my face to his and kisses me hard, a small moan escaping my throat. He slides his tongue inside, and we lose ourselves in the kiss. When he breaks away, I run my fingers across my swollen lips, both of our chests heaving. “Good night,” he whispers before turning and crossing the street into his house.

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