Life After Baby Loss by Nicola Gaskin

Author:Nicola Gaskin
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Ebury Publishing

Of course, the death of a baby is different in so many ways to the death of a grandparent or even a parent. Cheated out of a full and rich life and denied long-lasting memories, the death of a baby is out of the natural order and particularly painful to live through. There is absolutely no denying that. We are entitled to feel angry and resentful; we have lost something we never had the chance to fully embrace. But alongside this, we can also contemplate that death is a part of life that we have no control over, and it sadly steals loved ones without a second thought for those left behind. Every single human on earth is touched by death and the loss of a loved one. In this sense our babies taught us another special lesson, that nothing in life is promised, that we never truly know when we will lose those we love, and we must therefore embrace our family and friends – and strangers too – with open arms.

To contemplate all this suffering around us isn’t intended to be depressing, instead it reminds us of the fragility of life and therefore invites greater meaning into our day, reminding us of what we have rather than what we have not.

When we see someone suffering with arthritis we discover a new-found appreciation for our flexibility. When we see someone mourning the loss of a parent we feel compelled to hold our own close. When we see someone homeless and cold on the streets we are reminded of how fortunate we are to have a warm house and a comfortable bed to sleep in.

And we can learn from our own heartbreak how to care for others. Experiencing something as traumatic as the loss of a baby throws up an opportunity to nurture our own inner compassion. This is another gift from your baby, the ability to love with an even bigger heart. When we have lost so deeply, we learn to care more deeply too. As you shop, walk, drink in a café, you will be surrounded by silent suffering. We wear our own loss like a silent fog – the strangers we pass have no idea of our magnitude of loss, just as we have no idea of theirs. We can take our own painful experience and transform it into ways of helping those around us who suffer too. We suddenly know just how difficult life can be when we are robbed of the normality that once existed in our happy bubble. Now instead of passing by a homeless person, too busy and preoccupied to truly grasp their pain, we will instead see them as somebody’s son or daughter and empathise with difficulties they encounter in the face of personal tragedy, regardless of whether that is the familiar loss of a loved one or the choking grip of addiction.

As with any suffering, we feel our own the greatest. If we sit at a table surrounded by strangers, all sharing our tales of pain, our own voice is inevitably always the loudest.

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