Laid in Chelsea by Ollie Locke

Author:Ollie Locke
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Published: 2013-03-06T05:00:00+00:00

London Girl was studying in Oxford and before long we’d started a long-distance relationship. It was hard to find myself in that situation again, saying goodbye week after week as I had done with Dorset Girl, but I knew that London Girl was special.

We hadn’t told Jesters Girl that we were seeing each other yet because we were both a bit worried about how she would react. It’s never fun when your friend dates your ex. But in the end, of course, we had to tell her and Jesters Girl was lovely about it.

I had really become quite besotted with London Girl; they say love makes you do strange things, which must account for what I did next. I had started to get panicked by the thought of thousands of good-looking rugby playing freshers at her uni, all full of sperm, all pumped up on vodka and Red Bull, trying it on with her. Not that I didn’t trust her, but I certainly didn’t trust them. So to ease my mind I ordered a full-size cardboard cutout of myself so it could stand at the end of her bed. That way any guy who dared to enter her room with unsavoury intentions would be faced with my glaring, disapproving face.

I got it made in my hometown of Southampton and it cost me £120. It looked amazing, but there was the small problem of getting it to her. My car had broken down and I was due to visit her, so I decided to get the train from Southampton to London and then on to Oxford.

Because it was life-size the rail company made me pay for a seat for it, so that set me back another £20. I think she was quite shocked when I showed up with it. I’d told her I was bringing her a special present and I think she was expecting jewellery.

I felt like it would guilt her into staying faithful when all those horny uni boys were flocking round her. Remember, I was a guy, and I knew the kind of thoughts they had.

I have never, ever cheated on a girlfriend, and I never would. I feel so guilty about everything anyway that I don’t have it in me. I don’t know if anyone has ever cheated on me – apart from one girlfriend a short while ago and Tilly, sort of. (Even though we were never properly together I felt that way whenever she left me to go to her actual boyfriend.)

If other girls have cheated, I don’t want to know. It’s better to finish the relationship without me knowing. Ignorance is bliss. Why would I need that information now? It won’t change anything and all it would do is make me more paranoid in future relationships and hurt a lot more.

If I did find out a girl was cheating on me while we were in a serious relationship, that would be it. It would be over; there would be no second chances. I would advise any friend of mine to do the same.

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