Jellyfish Have No Ears by Adèle Rosenfeld

Author:Adèle Rosenfeld [Rosenfeld, Adèle]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Graywolf Press
Published: 2024-10-15T00:00:00+00:00

36.

When Thomas uttered the word “amour” for the first time, I didn’t hear him.

Lips puckered / corners of mouth open wide, tip of Thomas’s tongue between his teeth / lips half open / slight inhale, lips quickly closed / eyes beaming.

“I love you” was a set of words I only saw spoken by step-families living in big houses in American suburbs in B movies. “Je t’aime” appeared in yellow subtitles, and of course that made those words seem like pure kitsch.

Thomas believed in those words, as if they could unlock a secret passageway, while for me they shut doors. Then his lips crashed against mine, leaving me with the feeling that “je t’aime” was a code name for this accident.

I had fallen into Thomas, into this softness described by his body. I needed a garden stake. I coiled around him at night and let his breath instill me with a movement that I hoped was upward.

I think, more than anything, I was reassured by the prospect of someone being in my life, as if what was useful about his presence was that it occupied the question of love rather than answering it.

Clearly that was the best thing I could do. Watching him love me was perhaps a way for me to come to terms with society.

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