Inner Voices by May-May Meijer

Author:May-May Meijer [Meijer, May-May]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-94-93056-13-8
Publisher: Amsterdam Publishers

* * *

After seeing the doctor – she weighs me and checks my balance – I undress. It’s late. I’m tired. Being tested all the time, and always being alert is tiring.

But I can’t sleep. I go to the mirror in the bathroom and wait for instructions from the secret service. It’s clear to me that the AIVD are here as well. The AIVD are everywhere. Their message is clear, “Meijer, state that you are ready to die here.”

I think about it for a few seconds. I didn’t undergo a tough training for nothing, I can do it.

“I, May-May Meijer, Knight in the Order of Oranje Nassau, am prepared to die,” I answer.

“Drink the water from the tap to see if it is poisoned.”

In order to show that I have everything in control I shout “five” and then I take five slugs of water. I drink like a panther, drinking with my tongue. Then I hit the tap.

“Five,” I repeat.

I go to bed. I can’t sleep. Will I die? While I lie in bed, eyes still open, I suddenly see God in the right corner of the door.

God, runs through my mind. I don’t see him, but I feel that it is him. I feel his energy. Telepathic.

“So you are prepared to die for the good cause,” he says.

“How do you mean?” I ask. I’m petrified. I have never believed in God.

“Every time you had to choose between staying alive or dying for the good cause, you chose to die if necessary.”

“Yes,” I say dazedly.

“I am alone, I am looking for company. Come to me.”

Help, I think, while I jump up on the bed. I push myself into the corner of the room. I realize that if I go to Him, I will leave everyone behind.

My hesitation does not please God. “You waited too long, I will let you die anyway!”

I realize that I will die now. I sit in a knight’s pose, with one knee on the ground. I see myself lying in bed in the white sterile room and feel my spirit rise.

I hear my parents say, “May-May died in the Rembrandthof.”

“I will let you live,” says God suddenly.

I raise my head. “Why will you let me live?”

“Why would I let you die?”

There is a moment of silence between us. I had really thought I was about to die. I had seen my body lying on the bed, and my spirit leaving it.

“Get up.” By insisting softly, God makes me get up.

“I want you to think about heaven and Earth. I am considering letting the Earth vanish.”

“What!” I cry. “What about all the people?!” I start pacing up and down the room. “I don’t want the Earth to vanish! Why does the Earth need to vanish?”

“Because I am tired of deciding about life and death all the time.”

“I would like to help you. But I am just an ordinary person. I grew up in Berkel en Rodenrijs. I do not know why you chose me. I did not believe in you.

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