I Met Him in the Ladies' Room by Michelle Stimpson

Author:Michelle Stimpson [Stimpson, Michelle]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Christian Books & Bibles, Literature & Fiction, Genre Fiction, Coming of Age, Religion & Spirituality, Fiction, Christian Fiction
Amazon: B00AYBB4FU
Published: 2013-01-07T05:00:00+00:00

My alarm clock went off earlier than usual. When my body pleaded to stay put, I reminded myself that I was trying to be a great Christian.

The reminder didn’t work. I hit snooze.

After nine minutes, I tried encouraging myself: Come on, Kerri. You can do it!

Snooze.

The third time, I knew I had to get up or else I’d mark my third day of officially slacking. And since I’ve always heard that bad things happen in threes, I guessed bad luck would follow me around all day if I didn’t comply. All right. That’s enough, Kerri. Get your lazy bones out of bed if you don’t want God to let you expire before the baptism.

I slid my feet out of bed and onto the floor. Never in the history of my whole life had I gotten out of bed one second before the latest second possible. Only old people get up before they have to, so they can watch the news and drink a cup of coffee. And the reason they could get up early was because they went to bed before the sun went down.

Does God expect me to act like an old lady?

I yawned. Turned on the lamp because, yes, it was still dark outside. I grabbed the Bible from my nightstand and opened it to Exodus twenty where, finally, there was something that looked familiar: the Ten Commandments. Seven of them were simple. The other three read like a legal document, with instructions for animals even.

The next chapter contained all these different scenarios with punishments and penalties, which meant nothing to me, considering the fact that I had never kidnapped anyone, didn’t dig ditches that pigs might fall into, nor did I own an ox that could possibly gore someone to death.

I’m losing sleep for this?

I closed the Bible. Sat there for a second looking around my room. Blinking. I should have folded my clothes better so they wouldn’t stick out of the tops of my drawers. And my floor could use sweeping. Dust the blinds.

Since I was already up with no spiritual growth in sight, I decided to clean up. The sense of repeated failure almost overtook me, but this time, it wasn’t my fault. I swished the broom across the floor, almost arguing with Him, “God, how am I supposed to read the Bible when it has nothing to do with this century? Not just how—why?”

I didn’t want to be disrespectful, but if God was all-knowing like everybody said He was, and I believed He was, then he had to know that one day, people would have cars and tractors and concrete sidewalks. Why would He want us to wake up senior-citizen-early so we could read things that don’t make sense to us or for us?

With my room reasonably tidy, I returned the broom to the kitchen and headed for the shower.

I tried to wash away the memory of another failed attempt to do the right thing, like Pastor Larry had pushed us. If God could have seen…wait.

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