Harlequin's Millions by Bohumil Hrabal

Author:Bohumil Hrabal [Hrabal, Bohumil]
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3
ISBN: 978-1-935744-44-3
Publisher: Steerforth Press
Published: 2014-05-05T16:00:00+00:00

10

“HARLEQUIN’S MILLIONS” BECAME THE RETIREMENT home theme song, perhaps because the doctor in residence, an old man himself, nearly eighty, was also passionate about the golden days, he adored “Harlequin’s Millions,” the tune was like therapy for him, sometimes when he was examining pensioners in his office, he drifted away, stopped the examination, once when he had placed that instrument for listening to my heart against my back, he drifted away on the sugary tones of “Harlequin’s Millions,” then suddenly said, after putting the rubber tubes in his ears … Hello, this is Dr. Secký, who’s this? The doctor had not only been retired for some time now, it was said that he suffered from as many illnesses as the whole retirement home put together, so once a year, when he didn’t know what else to do with himself, he went to a spa. On those occasions he was relieved by young Dr. Holoubek, who had curly hair and looked like Alexander the Great, so most of the old women were in love with him, you could tell, they put on their best dresses, every day they looked forward to being lucky enough to run into the young doctor, which was why they went to the little town to get their hair done, colored their cheeks with rouge and did their best to look artistic when sitting on the benches and armchairs, even those who had trouble walking felt, in Dr. Holoubek’s presence, compelled to walk as if there was nothing the matter with them. Dr. Holoubek won over the men by never asking about their illness, but about how much they smoked and how much they drank. And when a smoker told him truthfully that he smoked twenty cigarettes a day, the doctor replied enthusiastically that he himself smoked thirty, but that it would be wise if the pensioner tried to cut down to fifteen … And then the pensioner left his office feeling better than ever, went on smoking to his heart’s content and was glad Dr. Holoubek was such a fine physician. But his biggest fans were the drinkers. Whenever a drinker entered his office, the doctor knew right away what sort of man he was and said, before the fellow could utter a word … So, you drink six pints a day! And the pensioner would say he drank seven. That will never do, Dr. Holoubek exclaimed, I want you to cut back to five pints a day, followed by two large shots of hard liquor, preferably Russian vodka, but if you’re low on funds, try Czech vodka from Haná, though personally I’d recommend Prostějov rye, I myself drink a pint a day, but best of all, advised Dr. Holoubek, is a sour pickle dipped in rum, every morning, instead of breakfast. And he told everyone that the whole question of sickness or health was predetermined by genes, how many years a person would live was decided right there in his mother’s body, and smoking and

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