Half a World Away by Mike Gayle

Author:Mike Gayle
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Hodder & Stoughton
Published: 2019-06-13T00:00:00+00:00

20

Noah

Saturday, 9th April

Kerry and I are sitting on a concrete bench in the closest approximation to a park this area has. There’s a slide, a couple of broken swings and a climbing wall covered in graffiti. In the far corner, a group of girls no older than Kian are huddled together fussing over a small, scrawny black and white cat, while on the other side two boys on bikes sit staring at their phones, occasionally passing comment on whatever it is they’re watching.

Kerry has cancer.

I can’t believe it. How could this happen when we’ve only just found each other? How can this be fair when her life has already known so much sorrow? I think about some of the despicable characters I’ve met in the course of my career. Real thugs who think nothing of inflicting pain and misery on those around them, and yet somehow they get to live full and healthy lives. Why couldn’t this have happened to someone who deserved it, rather than someone like Kerry who’s never done anyone any harm? I feel like the ground is shifting beneath my feet. In an instant, I feel that nothing is certain any more.

Kerry lifts her head from my shoulder, dries her eyes and wipes her nose on a tissue from her coat pocket.

‘I’m so sorry about that,’ she says, the first time she’s been able to speak since breaking the news to me. ‘You’re the first person I’ve told, and saying it out loud like that just makes it seem more real somehow.’

‘I can’t imagine what you’ve been going through. It must have been so horrible for you. When did you find out?’

‘A while ago now, I just didn’t know who to tell or how to say it.’

‘Well, the important thing is that I know now. You don’t have to deal with this on your own any more. I’m going to be with you every step of the way.’ I kiss the top of her head gently. I feel terrible that I’ve been going on about finding my father, when all this time she’s been suffering in silence. ‘I can’t believe I dragged you all the way out here like this. I’m so sorry, Kerry, I should’ve known something was wrong. I should’ve been a better brother to you.’

She starts to cry again. ‘You’ve got nothing to apologise for,’ she says through her tears. ‘If anything, I’m the one who should be apologising to you.’

‘For what? Kerry, you’ve been carrying around this terrible burden on top of finding out about our birth mother passing away. You must be exhausted with it all.’

Kerry cries even harder when I say this, and when I try to pull her towards me for a hug she suddenly stands up, pushing me away. ‘Don’t,’ she says, ‘please, Noah, don’t be nice to me, I don’t deserve it.’

Confused, I get to my feet. ‘Of course you do. Why would you think you don’t?’

She looks at me, eyes red and puffy. ‘’Cause I haven’t been totally honest with you.

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