Good Dogs Don't Make It to the South Pole by Hans-Olav Thyvold

Author:Hans-Olav Thyvold
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Allen & Unwin
Published: 2020-02-03T16:00:00+00:00

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Penguins are not the nice animals they’ve made the world believe they are. There’s a reason they live on their own somewhere no one else wants to live. They live there because no other continent will have them. Penguins, it turns out, are dubious creatures with a far better reputation than they deserve. Humans think the penguin is among the animal kingdom’s most charming beasts, a sweet little thing in a tuxedo that’s literally neither fish nor fowl.

The penguin has accomplished the impressive feat of becoming one of the world’s most famous and revered animals, despite the fact that the truth about its nature would disgust most decent people who have ceramic penguins sitting in their windowsills. If you have such a penguin, it might be best to put it in the trash before we go on. Or if the stupid penguin is that important to you, you can skip the next page. But in that case you’re living a lie, just so you know.

It is Mrs. Thorkildsen who breaks the ice. It happens with the help of her preferred tool: a book. The books are back, and that means Mrs. Thorkildsen is back, but I couldn’t tell you which one came first.

She tells me about George Murray Levick, a poor guy whom Captain Scott ordered to spend a season among the penguins in the middle of the Antarctic winter. The stay was itself an inhuman hell of frost and bad weather, with lard as the only firewood and food. Black with soot, with runny eyes and lungs searing after breathing in lard-fumes for months, Levick scratched out his observations about la vie pingouin.

Homosexuality. Pedophilia. Necrophilia. Rape. Murder and assault. Levick was deeply disturbed by what he called ‘depraved’ conditions in the penguin colony. Horny young male penguins mated with whomever—and whatever!—it might be. When they couldn’t find a female penguin to rape, after the corpse of the last gang rape had started to freeze so it was no longer possible to fuck it, well, then they sodomized each other. They sodomized chickens. They did it all with a bestiality that would make Genghis Khan’s most bloodthirsty generals turn away in shame.

The frightful conditions in the colony were of a sort that later, to prevent the contents of the report leaking out to the public, the material was translated into Greek and the English version destroyed. And so the penguin was allowed to roam freely on the world stage. It’s one of the greatest deceptions in world history, and like all the most successful acts of deceit, it took place through silencing. It wasn’t until a hundred years later that Levick’s notes were found and translated back into English. The truth will come out one day.

My point is that nothing has changed. Penguins are still the same perverse creatures, susceptible to all the vile behaviour listed above and more, but they face no consequences! When they finally published Levick’s report, you might have expected it to cause a paradigm shift

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