Forbidden Thoughts by unknow

Author:unknow
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Superversive Press
Published: 2017-01-02T05:00:00+00:00

BY HIS COCKLE HAT AND STAFF

By

John C. Wright

What if the life we really want does not come from the changes we think we want?

“And how should I know your true-love

From many another one?”

O, by his cockle hat, and staff,

And by his sandal shoon.”

“O lady, he is dead and gone!

Lady, he’s dead and gone!

And at his head a green grass turf,

And at his heels a stone.”

The Friar of Orders Gray —Thomas Percy (1729–1811)

-1-

There are much easier ways than killing yourself.

We have all heard the endless argument about the best method of insertion, and I know the advantages of taking over your self’s life in the new world. You have his clothing and his money, for one thing, not to mention opposable thumbs, and you can start to bend history back into the right direction, the way things should have gone had Hell never broken the world, nor Mesmer.

But consider the disadvantages.

-2-

I am ashamed to admit that, at first, the idea that I was a sleepwalker amused me. It was the kind of thing one reads in romances by Wells or Wiene, but never sees in life. In our peaceful and unexciting world, the idea of being a somnambulist seemed so… exotic.

The first time was when I woke up at midnight, roused by the barking of a dog right outside my dressing room window, to find myself on my feet, facing the full-length looking glass. I was barefoot, but otherwise completely dressed in trousers, waistcoat, jacket and tie. But the tie had been tied improperly. A polite knock came at the door.

“Come!”

“Just me, sir. Was there anything you needed, sir?”

It was my valet, Roberts, blinking and yawning.

“Why are you awake at this ghastly hour?” for the church steeple of Saint Anne’s was ringing midnight, coming across the waters of Lake Quinsigamond. “Good God! Why am I?”

“That, I cannot say, sir. I heard you moving about.”

“Moving?”

“In the wine cellar, up the back stair, down the servant’s hall, front hall, kitchen, pantry. You do know that the boards creak more loudly when you tiptoe? If you don’t mind my saying, sir.”

“Why was I tiptoeing? It’s my house!” This house had stood here in Regatta Point Park since my grandfather fled to America with all his wealth, changing his name from von Wardszawaschwig-Glücksburg to Ward and left all the dynastic insanity and warfare of Europe far behind. There have been three wars in Europe since then, in 1912, in 1939, and again in 1985 when the last Czar fell and the Kaiser of Greater Germany claimed all the Russian lands as his; but American was involved in none of them.

“You woke Mrs. Ferris, too, but she, kind soul, will say naught. She heard the drawers opening and shutting in the library. Your desk drawers. And then the sound of rattling the roll top, as if you’d forgotten where you’d put the key. I thought I would ask?”

“Well, if you find an answer, Roberts, by damn, tell me. I was asleep in bed. I was dreaming

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