Fixated On You (Torn Series #5) by Ann Pamela

Author:Ann, Pamela [Ann, Pamela]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Pamela Ann
Published: 2013-11-11T23:00:00+00:00

Chapter 19

Emma

It had been three days and I had been rotting in my bedroom. Apart from needing to walk Gus and feed him, I hadn’t really gone out to mingle around humanity.

Seeing Bass fall apart that way had traumatized me. Each night, that scene haunted my dreams, but no matter what, the only way I could keep my sanity was to cut him out of my life. Bass brought too many bad memories and heartache; it was messing with my life. It was changing me into an erratic woman; a woman I could barely recognize because I was in a state of constant paranoia.

It wasn’t a way to live. If I kept on going, I was going to lose my shit and wreak more havoc along the way. So I had been left with little choice. I had to cut the ties and let us both free. Maybe someday we could find another being to love the way we loved each other.

I loved Bass… Even now, my heart throbbed, hurting and aching because I knew—I could feel his pain—inside me, my heart bled for our lost future.

It couldn’t be helped, though. Somehow, he must have known this was going to happen. Somewhere along the way, I had begun dwindling away into a shell of a woman, always acting erratic and jealous whenever he was involved.

I was a jealous one, yes, but I wasn’t breathing in that orbit all day long. The moment I turned into a raging one, I knew something had to change. I think it was in between my hurling in the toilet when that epiphany had happened.

Heartache and losing Bass, though it hurt like no other, I managed to survive it. I could do it all over again if I had to. This—the crazy Emma persona—I couldn’t do. It was either I saved me or I saved our relationship. I loved myself enough to choose me.

It was selfish, yeah, but I had learned it the hard way. In fact, it was Bass who had showed and taught me that. After he broke my heart—after he told me to fuck off that night I came to see him inebriated—I had to learn how to live all over again. I crawled my way back up and start breathing again, even though I had wanted nothing more than to just curl up and die because life was dead without him in it.

Lindsey had to leave to see Dimitris a couple of days ago, so that saved me a great deal of peace without having to explain to her that, yes, I was fucking broken. Trista and Amber left for Hawaii that very same day. Those three wouldn’t have up and left me had they known the truth. Basically, I just told them that we were taking a few days off from talking to calm ourselves before we resumed talking again.

They were white lies, of course.

Deep inside, I did hope that Bass and I could possibly become friends or even something close to that.

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