Fiend by Peter Stenson

Author:Peter Stenson
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: Speculative Fiction
ISBN: 9780770436315
Publisher: Crown
Published: 2013-01-01T08:00:00+00:00

1:02 PM

I’m given my first speedball ever. I’m sitting in the backseat. KK crushes up an Oxy and mixes in a tenth of Tina and she boils the whole thing on a charred spoon she’d taken from the Albino’s. I’m not crying. I’m not talking. I’m not even thinking about killing my mother. I’m just watching KK work magic and thinking about all the things that led her to use her skills and deft hands for the mixing of drugs instead of transplanting kidneys. She tells me not to fight it. I give her my left arm. She slaps my skin. She puts in the needle. She presses the plunger down, stopping with an inch left. I can already feel it working and I tell her the whole thing and she gives me the last few milligrams.

I know I’m fragile, my psyche, my whatever the fuck you want to call it, that thing that keeps me human, that keeps me as a person with a habit instead of a walking dead motherfucker just living for his next high. I can feel this fragility. I bob my head. I’ve been driving in cars getting high for half of my life. Everybody I know is dead. I killed my mother. My eyes are dry and I feel like I’m done shedding tears. My retinas feel like bungee cords. Something is breaking. Something has broken. And then it’s opiates mixing with amphetamines and I know it won’t be much longer for any of this, the snapping of my mind, putting up with Jared, wanting the impossible with KK. I’m looking at a handful of days before we’re out of scante, until we fall asleep, not caring if we wake up.

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