Faith's Reckoning by Barbara Small

Author:Barbara Small
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Babs Small Publications, LLC
Published: 2023-08-15T00:00:00+00:00

Sylvia hung up the phone after the conference call with the Chance House Board of Directors. It was good to be back at work after the holidays. She lifted her briefcase from the floor and looked around her office one more time before leaving. The Miata was already packed for her weekend getaway to the Hill country. Joe had left for a horse auction in Amarillo that morning. His boss had agreed to a new cutting horse after the old Paint, Picasso, came up lame. Sylvia would miss Joe terribly but, sadly, she needed time to think things through. Since her trip to Mississippi the dreams had become more explicit, their meaning transparent. She could no longer escape the reckoning with her own past.

She walked the short distance to the car, which was parked on the street and threw her briefcase in the passenger seat. There was just enough daylight left to make it to Canyon Lake for a sunset walk on the dam, which was close to the cabin she had rented. She pulled onto Interstate 35 and felt herself relax as she hit the outskirts of town. Sylvia need this weekend to begin facing her feelings, in a place with enough open sky and beauty to hold them. The turnoff to San Marcos arrived before she knew it. The flat grassy fields gave way to gentle rolling hills of limestone studded with juniper and scrub oak. She arrived at the dam just in time for the short stroll across and back as the sun set. The gravel lot was sparsely populated this evening and she met few people on her walk. Without any clouds for reflection, the sun set without fanfare. But Sylvia was too deep in thought to notice. Perhaps it would be easier to sort through her feelings if she could share her secret with someone. But who? She still considered seeing a therapist but hadn’t made an appointment yet.

On her way to the cabin she pulled into a roadside café offering flame-grilled burgers and sides and got some nourishment to go. She unpacked quickly when she arrived and took her dinner outside to the table on the back porch, overlooking the Guadalupe River. She ate a couple of bites of her burger and reached for a tablet in her briefcase. She began a letter to Faith.

Dear Faith,

I am still relishing the gift of our time together. Thank you for letting me drag you to all the places that have become touchstones, for witnessing my life with such compassion and understanding.

I have thought a lot about our discussion on New Year’s Eve atop Mt. Bonnell. I wasn’t completely forthcoming about the reasons that I remain estranged from Mom. I must take responsibility here. It’s not just about God or her need for me to be saved. Or maybe it is, because of something I have kept from her all my life, for fear I would never be forgiven.

She may have talked to you about her frustration when I dropped out of college half-way through my freshman year.

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