Every Conceivable Way by Despina Meris

Author:Despina Meris
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Hardie Grant Publishing
Published: 2020-03-11T00:00:00+00:00

During my fourth psychotherapy session with Charlotte, she points out how often I use the term ‘keeping it together’.

What does ‘keeping it together’ mean to you?

‘You know, keeping it together … coping, not falling apart in the face of everything I’m going through.’ Her well-placed silence is very effective. I continue, ‘Not crying or screaming or falling into a heap every time something awful happens. Not losing it. I’m strong, I’m doing okay, I’ll be fine.’

‘Keeping it together is an unfortunate term. It implies that if you cry or scream or “lose it” you are not whole, you are shattered into pieces. Is that true to you? Do you think you’re shattered?’

‘I think that if I let myself lose it, I’ll slip down a slippery slope to depression. It’ll be giving myself permission to start cracking.’

‘In fact, Despina, you are creating a strong facade to mask the turmoil that is happening inside of you. If you released a bit of that pressure by allowing yourself to express your emotions, it would help you release some of this build-up. Instead, you are holding in all of this emotion related to this horrible string of experiences you’ve had. You are like a powder keg ready to burst.’ She uses her hands to signal a large explosion.

It’s only when she says this that I realise the tightness in my chest is not stress, but that I’m trying to keep a tsunami of emotion at bay.

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