Entrances and Exits by Michael Richards

Author:Michael Richards
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Permuted Press
Published: 2024-04-09T17:08:08+00:00

Chapter 20

The Hipster Doofus

The green bike that appears on Jerry’s apartment wall midway through season three is a Klein—a Klein Rascal. It’s there because of me.

I have been a fitness devotee since walking into an aerobics class at Jane Fonda’s studio a few years before Seinfeld. Jane taught the class every now and then. She was really into it. It wasn’t just a business. The class attracted its share of stars: Rutger Hauer, Lesley Ann Warren, and Garry Shandling were regulars. It could be a bit of a scene, but the workout was where it was at. Advanced aerobics was hard-core. People didn’t finish the class. I never gave in. I went four or five times a week for a ninety-minute routine. Everything in the room was loudly amplified: the teacher shouting moves through a microphone, the loud rock music. I will say that after months of this, the sound from it all grated on my nerves.

I might’ve quit if the schedule hadn’t changed. A few times a week the studio introduced Bikram yoga. Everyone gave it a shot. It was more rigorous than advanced aerobics. There wasn’t a lot of running around, throwing your body about, or loud music. Instead, we quietly stood in place, stretching while holding difficult balancing poses, called asanas, and on the floor too, all-out stretching, then headstands and backbends, and it kicked everybody’s ass. I would finish class in a pool of sweat and I hadn’t moved a few feet from where I was standing.

Within a month, everybody who was used to aerobics ran back to that. I was the only one left. They canceled the class. So I went off looking for another place to do yoga.

Iyengar yoga was it. It’s even more rigorous. A whole lot of attention to the positions. You use blocks and straps for alignment, and a “sticky mat,” the first time I ever saw one, to maximize traction for increasing the stretch. You’re also taught ways to breathe. Breathing correctly is a must or you’ll never make it.

Backstage, Jerry notices me stretching, holding a standing position, and asks what I’m doing.

“Iyengar yoga.”

“Why?” he asks.

“I stay flexible, helps me stay strong,” I say. “It’s a great workout. I just do the exercises to stretch out. It keeps me nimble, agile, better at physical comedy.”

Jerry is intrigued and wants to know where you go for this stuff. Though he’s a practitioner of Transcendental Meditation, he wants to learn yoga. I tell him about a small group led by Eric Small, a certified Iyengar teacher who works out of a well-equipped studio on the property of his magnificent mansion in Bel Air. I know Jerry will like the environment at first, but then he’ll probably be on his way, which is how it goes. After attending a few classes, he’s out of there. He’s not the kind of man to follow some yoga teacher. He’s holding his show, that’s his asana, and he’s holding it very well.

I don’t stick around the class for much longer either.

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