Diary of a Mad Diva by Joan Rivers

Author:Joan Rivers
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Group US
Published: 2014-06-05T16:00:00+00:00

JULY 11

Dear Diary:

We’re starting to plan Grandma Week with Cooper. Every year he and I go somewhere special, just the two of us . . . plus my publicist, assistant, stylist, and hair and makeup people, and of course Pingpong. It sounds like a lot but we hardly notice them, as Cooper and I sit in first class, and they all take turns sharing a seat in coach. The time away with Cooper is great as it also gives Melissa and me a breather before we appear on Discovery ID as the lead story in a “Daughters Who Kill” segment. I don’t think she has it in for me—although for my birthday she bought me a bathing suit made out of lead—but I know things. Last year I had walking . . . well, limo-ing pneumonia and the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to Melissa, “I just need to know, God forbid, are you prepared for your mother’s death?” And Melissa said, “Prepared? I’ve had a shovel in my trunk since 1983. The Boy Scouts aren’t this prepared.”

There are ways to tell your family is sick of you:

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