Daniel Stein, Interpreter by Ludmila Ulitskaya

Author:Ludmila Ulitskaya [ULITSKAYA, LUDMILA]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781468300819
Publisher: Overlook
Published: 2012-02-29T16:00:00+00:00

5. October 1978, Vilnius

LETTER FROM TERESA TO VALENTINA FERDINANDOVNA

Dear Valentina Ferdinandovna,

Over the past month so many completely astounding things have happened that I really don’t know where to begin.

After prolonged but unsuccessful attempts to meet the prioress she consented to see me. Our conversation was unpleasant in the extreme. She said she would not give refuge to one possessed and that I was leading the other sisters astray.

After this devastating encounter I went to my father confessor, who was even more firm with me. He said that I evidently had a different vocation, that a good Christian could work for the Lord in the world, too. I really do not understand why they are so intent on driving me away, and when I broached the matter with him he spoke terrible words to me. He said that my spiritual experiences testify to the fact that I am completely in the power of Satan, and in the Middle Ages people like me were burned at the stake for associating with him.

“But St. Anthony, too, had his temptations,” I protested timidly. “If he had had you as his father confessor, would you have sent him to the stake?”

He smiled sarcastically and said, “That is the path the saints tread.” What was he implying? My mind and heart cannot take it in.

Nevertheless, when I left him I had a strange sense of relief. Now I can rely on nothing except the love of the Almighty, and I have given myself to Him. Prayers to the Virgin, whom I always loved so much, have become completely impossible. Her immaculate nature does not allow me to address her. Only Mary Magdalene can now be my protectress. Does my absurd situation not make you smile? Having preserved my virginity for the Lord, I have been expelled for the most dreadful of perversions and feel profoundly guilty for these nocturnal manifestations to me of a power which I hate with all my heart.

The Catholic Church is expelling me, and into whose arms?

I have moved back to my old room, to my dreadful neighbors who hate me and dream only of getting their hands on my accommodation. I spend my days in prayer and in cruel temptations. As before, I go to the Church of the Immaculate Conception on Žvrynas, but there, too, where before people treated me kindly and with openness, I’m met with disdain and suspicion.

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