Coping Mechanism by Unknown

Author:Unknown
Language: eng
Format: epub

Chapter 3

​ My head hurts more intensely than it ever has before. Just seeing things, blinking, thinking… hearing my own heartbeat… it all hurts. Stings.

​ It would be bad enough if every part of my body wasn’t hurting too. My jaw feels like it was clenched tight for a year, and every muscle feels like it was clenching as hard as it could. Fuck. This is… really, really bad. I’ve never even heard of anyone having a meltdown like this, or… whatever you’d call it. System crash?

​ No one has a problem like this because it required me to outright violate every safety protocol that I’d ever been taught. I should have upgraded my security files, and actually stayed on task. I don’t even think that was malware, just… a little blip and then…

​ I'm not normally so stupid. I was just desperate this time. I had to work quickly and I haven't been dealing with this very well. It just hasn’t really mattered. All of this, everything… Everything has been for Cynthia. Keeping it all inside has made me feel like more of a robot than our new Kendra.

​ Kendra…

​ Her voice still lingers in my mind as if the words were fresh, and the only reason I think that I can tell they're not is because the whirring in my head is gone. I fried my hard drive and it hurts like someone bit my head and ripped a chunk out of it.

​ I can swear that I feel something like smoke filling up my head, but I know that doesn't really happen. It could be psychosomatic. My brain has to be all kinds of fucked up right now. I might need surgery… Shit. This is not how I imagined this going at all…! This was not supposed to happen like this!

​ This was supposed to be the one time that I didn’t fuck things up. For Cynthia, I was going to pull off actually being competent. To honor Kendra’s memory, I was supposed to be able to make Cynthia happy again!

​ Something is tugging my head, but I can't figure out what. It's tugging from inside, though it feels external at the same time. Fuck! I hope I didn't fry Kendra's processor. The damage I did to myself is already going to be pretty expensive to fix, if it’s even possible, but I'm sure I can find a way to make it seem as if it happened for a legitimate reason. I can't have the technician figuring out I fried myself with my fingers buried too deeply between my legs while working on a robotic clone of my dead lover.

​ My dead lover who isn't dead… I know I intended to make it so I couldn't even remember her passing, but I didn't plan to do it like this. Not so soon. We were supposed to be at home, the three of us, together. Then the extra hardware I installed in Kendra was going to fix things.

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