Confessions of a Prep School Mommy Handler by Wade Rouse

Author:Wade Rouse
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780307407481
Publisher: Crown
Published: 2007-09-04T00:00:00+00:00

Happy Holidays, Homeless People!

“Tate PR Office. This is Wade.”

“I need you to snag me eight cans of veggies, two pairs of children’s shoes, three pairs of mittens, a scarf, stocking cap, and as many stuffed animals as you can carry, OK?”

It’s 8:00 A.M. It’s Kitsy. This is what happens when I think I am in the free and clear, when I think I have made it through a morning without having to make an appearance in carpool.

“I’m not sure I understand,” I say. “You want me to steal donations for you?”

“It’s not stealing, Wade! It’s borrowing! I have holiday volunteer meetings all over town this morning, and I forgot to bring my donations. I was much too busy this morning to worry about all that fuss, so I need some ‘loaners.’ I can’t drive around town empty-handed, can I? I mean, you wouldn’t want me representing Tate looking like a pauper. How would that look? Carpool lane. TTFN!”

I sprint out of my office and down our hallway with my arms already loaded; the majority of conscientious students and parents have beaten the M2s to the punch and donated their goods on time. Since my office is a prime parent stopping point, it often serves as a temporary storage facility for much of this loot. Most M2s will scurry into my office at the very last minute carrying Ann Taylor bags stuffed with fluffy boas, or scuffed suede pants, or damaged high heels to donate to the homeless shelters. Because mothers and children living in the streets or in shelters need these things, need to look good for their charity events and Country Club dinners and jaunts to Vail.

I exit my office, arms filled. A corridor of windows running the length of our front hall looks out over the campus. Morning carpool is slowing but still in mid-chaos. A light snow is falling, blurring my view a little, making it look as if I am tinkering with the image in PhotoShop. And yet, out of all the fur-clad women riding high in their giant black Escalades, Excursions, and Navigators, I instantly see Kitsy. That’s because LulaBelle is hanging out of the Land Rover’s passenger window, despite the cold and the snow, sporting tiny reindeer antlers, a candy-cane-inspired collar, pink doggles, little pink Mutt-a-Luks, and a hot pink, fur-trimmed sweater that says, “Ho-Ho-Woof!” She looks like a transgendered Rudolph who has been run through the dryer on high heat one too many times.

Of course, Kitsy didn’t have time to gather donations, but she did have time to dress LulaBelle for a day on the town.

Tate Academy places a huge emphasis on service-learning, what was known as community service when I was in school. In those days, I used to play with our school band at nursing homes, or give blood. The difference today is that the curriculum is inextricably tied to giving back—students learn about it in the classroom and then actually do it in the local community, for a one-two punch—such

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