Breaking Emilee by A. Greene

Author:A. Greene [Greene, A.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2023-03-12T16:00:00+00:00

My face is wet, and so is the paper, as the tears constantly stream down my face. My hands are shaking so bad the paper is trembling, and the only sound I hear is my heartbeat. What did I do so wrong that warrants this? How could they hate me so much? Picking up the photo and the letter, I shove them back into the envelope. Opening the drawer on the table beside my bed, I place it on top of everything I have kept from them. I don't know why I keep it all, but I do. I never open the drawer to look, but I still know it's there. Turning out the lamp, my room is covered in darkness, and anyone walking by will think I'm going to sleep. I pull the headphones I keep at home out and plug them into my old boombox. Hitting play on the CD in it, the song Would Anyone Care by Citizen Soldier starts playing in my ears, and I turn the volume up until it hurts. It's odd that when someone is hurting or depressed, the music they listen to is even more depressing and sad. It may just be a me thing but hearing how I'm feeling at that moment being sung by someone who doesn't know me makes me feel less alone in the world. It makes me feel better knowing that someone else has felt the pain I'm feeling, and they are still around to write about it, so it has to get better. Right?

Closing my eyes, I try to focus on the words screaming at me instead of the growing urge to pull out the razor and slice my skin open. I promised Parker I wouldn't, and he said to come to him if something else happened. Can I actually tell him? After reading everything in that letter, my heart is finally quiet, and my head's ruling me. All the hope and trust I felt earlier is gone. The walls he broke down are back in place, and I feel I can't trust him. My fucked-up brain is telling me that no one really cares. Even though my eyes are closed, I know when all the lights in the house go out. Everyone is asleep, and I have to get out of here for a little while.

I can't stand the quiet tonight, but the batteries are dead in my portable cd player, so all I have to help the chaos in my head is the sound of the night around me. As soon as my feet crunch on the gravel of the graveyard, my body starts to relax a little, and I feel a sort of calm come over me. It's a feeling that I haven't found anywhere else besides Parker's arms this afternoon. It's scary that the place where you feel even a little peace is surrounded by the dead. Gazing at the last reminders of the individuals laid to rest here as I head to my favorite spot, I wonder if any of them ever felt like I do right now.

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